It was funny when my friend told me her son use to scream out "HOT COCOA!" when he heard that song from Fifty Shades by Ellie Goulding. It comes on...."What are you waiting for?" and he screams "Hot Cocoa!" You know, every mom wants their son to answer any song associated with that movie. So when I asked what he would want to walk into at my wedding she politely told me maybe I shouldn't ask because he would tell me All About That Bass. I chuckled and did not think much past it. However I am a lyric person. When Cory put that song on my IPOD I thought, yah, I am not really into Megan Trainor, but I listened to the lyrics and thought, wow, this is actually a pretty meaningful song that every young girl should listen to. So hey little G, if you want to stroll in to a little bass, more power to you....even though you probably like the bass part, and haven't a clue what the lyrics mean!
Which brings me to my post.... I just finished a 70 minute workout. I swam for 40 minutes and did a 30 minute core session. Last night I rowed for 30 minutes and did a 30 minute strength session. This has actually been a light week for me working out. But I have 2 hours before work and I haven't blogged in awhile so.....
I am getting married in less than a month. Most likely if you are reading this, that is not a big surprise to you. If it is come out from under whatever rock or place you are hibernating in, it is spring! I am pretty sure every bride wants to look their best on the big day, and well, usually a honeymoon follows and a bikini is a must. 4 months ago there was no bikini wearing for me. NO WAY. Actually most of my life I haven't been comfortable enough to sport a bikini, I have always had problems with how I viewed myself. I have struggled especially with always thinking I am fat. I have always been sporty. My muscles were always bigger than other girls my age, I was always bigger. It always made me feel fat. After high school when I stopped participating in sports, well besides the sport of eating and drinking beer, I did indeed become overweight for probably the first time in my life. Yes as a kid I had chunks, baby fat, but I look back and don't really think until that point in my life I was ever fat like I thought I was.
When the scale hit 180 on my 5'5 self, I knew something would have to be done. I went on Weight Watchers and within 3 months I had dropped down to 140 and started running again. Within a few more months I was under 130, the smallest I had been since 4th grade. Yes you read that right, 4th grade. I thought I looked fantastic. For once I could sport that bikini and when I did Cory told me to stop sucking it in. I wasn't. I had become unhealthy skinny, something I never thought possible. My friend who cut my hair told me that it wasn't growing and that my skin didn't look good. You see, on WW they give you points, I was allowed 23. I never ate that many. And when I started running I never ate more like I was supposed to. I liked being that skinny. For once my brothers could not tease me like they did when we were kids, like all kids do, about being fat. There was no fat on me.
I was obsessed with counting calories and losing weight. When I met Cory I ate half a salad or sandwich when we went to dinner, now I eat a whole....of both. See when I started training for the marathon I just couldn't keep eating that way! A monster took over and wanted food. Probably the best thing I did was sign up for that marathon and start eating again. I wasn't sick, I didn't have a disease, but I was obsessed and there is no telling what it may have lead to.
So....5 years later and I am facing a wedding date back at 150. But I am a different 150 than I was before. I decided I wanted to hit 140 for wedding day. That was just 10 pounds more than I was when I was at 130. However, I knew I was dealing with more muscle, so 140 would probably make me look like I did when I was 130. So I decided to drop the ice coffee, booze, extra snacks, and start up a core/strength training plan to add to my already pretty hefty workout plan.
Today I clocked my lowest weight since I went on this plan. 145. So I won't make it to 140, there is no way. As I started this and noticed the pounds weren't falling off quickly like last time, I got discouraged. I looked in the mirror and saw the pounds. Even as my clothes got looser, I still saw them. I was working out 6 times a week, over and hour each time, and basically had given up all the good stuff and I was not losing any freaking weight. I was broken. Then I see Cory, who has been drinking beer at night, eating ice cream, and working out as much as me, put up his weight on the board and he is losing. ASS. WTF! GRRRRR. well he can wear the damn bikini.
Today when I woke up and weighed 145, I smiled....and went and bought an ICE COFFEE for the first time in months....thank you Nic Carter. let's go back to little G's song choice! Last night while I did my strength workout I was at 105 squats with a 10 pound medicine ball, I can lift 10 pounds over my head with one arm while doing a core / strength workout...40 times! I can squat with a ball for 80 seconds. I can now jump rope 5x1 minute without stopping and without dying...Thank you JOE BAILS, when I took his class I could not make it 30 seconds. Today when I did my core workout I did 150 crunches, I did 3x 1 minute planks on each side and front. I did 75 leg lifts on each leg and 100 seconds of bridges. I did 150 (Things like a situp with the 10 pound medicine ball I do not know what it is called). This is all a record for me.
I may not have gotten to the weight I wanted, but I am strong. I am the strongest I have ever been! When I look at myself now in the mirror I am not focused on those pounds, I am focused on the muscle I now have! Muscle I used to think made me look big! Yah I may be bigger than all my friends I hang with, I mean I hang out with some pretty fast athletic women! But for once I am looking in the mirror and I am liking what I see! I am not skinny, but I am ok with that! I am finally comfortable with my body! I am proud of the hard work I have put into it. So before work I am going to sit here and enjoy my ice coffee....I deserve it. And this weekend....I am going to buy that bikini. well maybe....baby steps!
Thanks all for listening, this was hard for me to write.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
You may be Pitch Perfect but George Clooney has the wisdom and experience....
I have not blogged in awhile. Mainly I have been busy working out and planning a wedding, but also I just haven't had much to say. Imagine that! However after last night and this past year serving as a board member for a club I joined as a hobby...I have something to say! Some will not like this but I usually say what I mean, and feel what I say...so there is that. Besides, half my facebook friends are annoyed by my constant updates on workouts anyway and ignore me so this is more for me haha.
So there is that movie with Clooney and the girl from Pitch Perfect, the pretty one. She goes in with this AWESOME idea how to make the company he works for so much better, time and money saving blah blah. Up In The Air, yah I am gonna tell you the end so skip this paragraph if you want to watch it and whatever. So yah a fresh out of college grad pissing off George with her fresh know it all ideas. So George is like, screw that. Step into MY SHOES, do my job, and let's see how good your idea is after that. So they fire people. Major companies actually hire people like George to come out to their company and let their people go for them. FUN JOB! But he gets to fly all the time, hence the title, and she wants to ground him. Have him sit at a computer and fire them on facetime or whatever it is. Brilliant! Saves travel time, expenses, and George can fire someone in Tokyo and Cali in the same day. Smart girl. Well, it is a dick move to hire someone to fire your employees for you because you can't do it yourself but come on, it is a bigger DICK MOVE to have someone fire someone via facechat (emoji sad face.) So he takes Pitch Perfect with him and makes her fire someone and guess what? She cries, quits, the end. Ok so there is more to it but it helps me set the mood for my rant.... hey and maybe some of you want to see the movie now. See George, you should pay me for your advertising and not drink Nespresso....
Anyway I joke when I rant because that's who I am. One of my best friends says I am a person who can be screaming at her one minute and the next I am over it and laughing. Well I love her, so if I am screaming at you I hope I love you because the outcome may be different just saying. (emoji creepy face.) I am who I am. I will tell you how I feel and you bet your ass if you make a comment and say something that is going to hurt said friend or imply she is slacking off or not doing something or any of my friends I am going to stand up and tell you exactly how I feel....and immediately apologize after.
Anyway I have been a member of the board for 2 years. We have made amazing strides this year with the club. It is more diverse and includes members now that may have been intimidated in the past and not felt welcome, it includes all ages. Every single member on that board has done multiple positions, worked hours for free, all because they care about the club.
This year the board took a controversial topic, which most of the members on the board including myself had NO OPINION ON - let me put that out there, and put it to a club vote. It was simple and fair. It was voted on by the club, the math determined the outcome, and it was done. In my whole time in this club, nothing has ever been brought back to the board in question of the board's actions. We were not only questioned, we were accused of wrong doing, called names, yelled at, made fun of. Every single action since has been brought into question. A simple "fun awards" idea for the banquet was brought into question because we might offend someone, whether someone should have voted on something- someone who has voted on EVERYTHING for the past few years and never had it questioned was brought into question. All the good that was provided from the board, all the extra time spent to better the main importance of the club, it was all forgotten. A Facebook post for the entire club to see was made and I tell you, if I was a newcomer I would have been like F THAT, I am not joining that.
Back to Pitch and George. Last night I attended my final board meeting. The new board members got to come for the next year. So a few of us Georges got to listen to Pitch Perfect basically tell us we were unorganized, asked us why we did what we did the year before, questioned our lack of timing and organizing and sharing with club members. Well Pitch, step on up and welcome to the board. Sit down and have everything you do, all the time you spent extra, hours of organizing volunteers, hours of coming up with a solution to include all abilities, hours of making sure everyone got their PR times done because all the equipment was set up and ready to go, hours of organizing so the trip to Indy could go smoothly, hours of making sure the accounts were balanced, members were entered in and their membership was paid. The board members perform many roles, many that you may have forgotten in your quick judgment and quicker tongue to make sure we all knew how you felt about one particular item we decided on, that we have been solely judged on since....
What I am saying is....it is good to have people who complain step up with a solution. Too many times people just complain but have no solution to the problem. Lots of people complained about our decision on this one topic, lots of people had a chance to be on the board this year. 3 people out of over 400 members stepped up to join. The one person who voiced would not even sit through one meeting to see how we did things, to see how it ran, to meet the other members who have spent their free time helping the club and to at the very least respect that. All this for a symbol....I know this symbol means a lot to people, but think of this...
When I became a runner and joined this club I remembered the people. Telling Cory how many great people I met and how joining was the best decision of my life, well, besides him. Half my wedding will be runners and I am proud of it. When I look back at my running years these are the things I will remember. I will remember when I crossed the finish line of my first half marathon and I cried in the arms of my parents and Cory. I will remember training for my first marathon and meeting my good friend Sarah, later forming a group of us that all hang out and do non running things. I will remember all the kind words my running friends said to help me through my injury and the new people I met coming back when I couldn't run with my old group. I will remember the pain I have seen some of my friends go through to accomplish their goals but the happiness and love when they meet their goals and there waiting at the finish line are the people, the PEOPLE they love.
So what is important to you? A trophy that will tarnish and dust on a shelf? A shirt that has some advertisement or race's symbol on it that will hang in your closest and be used to run a fun run in, a time that will either be beaten or not later in life? When I look back on every single thing I have accomplished as a runner I remember my friends, the ones I have made through this club I am writing about. I remember them and the reason I am still in this club. I will not remember a symbol, a trophy, a time. I will remember the feelings and the people that helped me feel that way.
I questioned staying in the club after this year. I will not let the hurt I felt as a board member change the way this club has changed my life and all the good it has brought. Instead I will step back and go back to doing what made me happy....running with my friends.
So there is that movie with Clooney and the girl from Pitch Perfect, the pretty one. She goes in with this AWESOME idea how to make the company he works for so much better, time and money saving blah blah. Up In The Air, yah I am gonna tell you the end so skip this paragraph if you want to watch it and whatever. So yah a fresh out of college grad pissing off George with her fresh know it all ideas. So George is like, screw that. Step into MY SHOES, do my job, and let's see how good your idea is after that. So they fire people. Major companies actually hire people like George to come out to their company and let their people go for them. FUN JOB! But he gets to fly all the time, hence the title, and she wants to ground him. Have him sit at a computer and fire them on facetime or whatever it is. Brilliant! Saves travel time, expenses, and George can fire someone in Tokyo and Cali in the same day. Smart girl. Well, it is a dick move to hire someone to fire your employees for you because you can't do it yourself but come on, it is a bigger DICK MOVE to have someone fire someone via facechat (emoji sad face.) So he takes Pitch Perfect with him and makes her fire someone and guess what? She cries, quits, the end. Ok so there is more to it but it helps me set the mood for my rant.... hey and maybe some of you want to see the movie now. See George, you should pay me for your advertising and not drink Nespresso....
Anyway I joke when I rant because that's who I am. One of my best friends says I am a person who can be screaming at her one minute and the next I am over it and laughing. Well I love her, so if I am screaming at you I hope I love you because the outcome may be different just saying. (emoji creepy face.) I am who I am. I will tell you how I feel and you bet your ass if you make a comment and say something that is going to hurt said friend or imply she is slacking off or not doing something or any of my friends I am going to stand up and tell you exactly how I feel....and immediately apologize after.
Anyway I have been a member of the board for 2 years. We have made amazing strides this year with the club. It is more diverse and includes members now that may have been intimidated in the past and not felt welcome, it includes all ages. Every single member on that board has done multiple positions, worked hours for free, all because they care about the club.
This year the board took a controversial topic, which most of the members on the board including myself had NO OPINION ON - let me put that out there, and put it to a club vote. It was simple and fair. It was voted on by the club, the math determined the outcome, and it was done. In my whole time in this club, nothing has ever been brought back to the board in question of the board's actions. We were not only questioned, we were accused of wrong doing, called names, yelled at, made fun of. Every single action since has been brought into question. A simple "fun awards" idea for the banquet was brought into question because we might offend someone, whether someone should have voted on something- someone who has voted on EVERYTHING for the past few years and never had it questioned was brought into question. All the good that was provided from the board, all the extra time spent to better the main importance of the club, it was all forgotten. A Facebook post for the entire club to see was made and I tell you, if I was a newcomer I would have been like F THAT, I am not joining that.
Back to Pitch and George. Last night I attended my final board meeting. The new board members got to come for the next year. So a few of us Georges got to listen to Pitch Perfect basically tell us we were unorganized, asked us why we did what we did the year before, questioned our lack of timing and organizing and sharing with club members. Well Pitch, step on up and welcome to the board. Sit down and have everything you do, all the time you spent extra, hours of organizing volunteers, hours of coming up with a solution to include all abilities, hours of making sure everyone got their PR times done because all the equipment was set up and ready to go, hours of organizing so the trip to Indy could go smoothly, hours of making sure the accounts were balanced, members were entered in and their membership was paid. The board members perform many roles, many that you may have forgotten in your quick judgment and quicker tongue to make sure we all knew how you felt about one particular item we decided on, that we have been solely judged on since....
What I am saying is....it is good to have people who complain step up with a solution. Too many times people just complain but have no solution to the problem. Lots of people complained about our decision on this one topic, lots of people had a chance to be on the board this year. 3 people out of over 400 members stepped up to join. The one person who voiced would not even sit through one meeting to see how we did things, to see how it ran, to meet the other members who have spent their free time helping the club and to at the very least respect that. All this for a symbol....I know this symbol means a lot to people, but think of this...
When I became a runner and joined this club I remembered the people. Telling Cory how many great people I met and how joining was the best decision of my life, well, besides him. Half my wedding will be runners and I am proud of it. When I look back at my running years these are the things I will remember. I will remember when I crossed the finish line of my first half marathon and I cried in the arms of my parents and Cory. I will remember training for my first marathon and meeting my good friend Sarah, later forming a group of us that all hang out and do non running things. I will remember all the kind words my running friends said to help me through my injury and the new people I met coming back when I couldn't run with my old group. I will remember the pain I have seen some of my friends go through to accomplish their goals but the happiness and love when they meet their goals and there waiting at the finish line are the people, the PEOPLE they love.
So what is important to you? A trophy that will tarnish and dust on a shelf? A shirt that has some advertisement or race's symbol on it that will hang in your closest and be used to run a fun run in, a time that will either be beaten or not later in life? When I look back on every single thing I have accomplished as a runner I remember my friends, the ones I have made through this club I am writing about. I remember them and the reason I am still in this club. I will not remember a symbol, a trophy, a time. I will remember the feelings and the people that helped me feel that way.
I questioned staying in the club after this year. I will not let the hurt I felt as a board member change the way this club has changed my life and all the good it has brought. Instead I will step back and go back to doing what made me happy....running with my friends.
Monday, November 9, 2015
"I don't know about you, but I'm NOT feeling 26.2...."
Yep, my blog title...saw that sign during the marathon, well without the NOT. Pretty clever plus it total works for me because my last blog title was a TSwift song! I don't even like her. Which sets the mood right for this blog because I don't really like marathons either!
I know a marathon regardless of time is an accomplishment. When I finished my first half marathon I cried. I was so proud of myself and so happy that I could do something so amazingly difficult. I did not care about time, awards, whatever. I cared that I ran 13.1 miles (I didn't even realize till I got to 13 that the .1 was a half marathon distance and I cussed) and finished. So when people tell you that it is great and an amazing accomplishment just to finish a marathon, I get it. I remember 2 years ago crutching around Indy with a broken hip just wishing I could walk again let alone run. I told myself when I could run again I wouldn't care about time, because running slow was better than not running at all. So why am I so upset....
Well, I think a part of anyone would be upset after spending months training for a goal and falling short. I just kept thinking during the race, "I am going to have to do this all over again. FUCK." So yah, I am happy I finished. I pushed myself way past the point of discomfort to finish and I am damn proud of that and the fact that for the past two days my body has been retaliating against me for doing it. I am just heartbroken that I didn't get my goal.
This all started before the race, months before. I tried a new plan. I started this plan less than a week after finishing my first Half Ironman. MISTAKE!! I needed to take more time. My body may have been recovered but my mind wasn't. What I learned over the next few months is, even if your body is ready to go, your mind is in control. This plan consisted of 3 days of running and 2 days of cross training a week. The runs are all hard. One day was a long run, one day was speed work, and one day was a tempo. There were no easy runs, those are your cross training days. I chose to swim on them, sometimes bike. This plan had 6 - 20 mile runs. S I X!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK. There will be swearing in this blog and a lot of it so if you are offended, run a crappy marathon and try not to swear. Anyway. I completed 4 of those 20 milers. The first one was successful. I ran and my buddy Valeria Rohde biked with me and I made it to 18 miles and had to walk a little but this was my first 20 post hip stress fracture. My next attempt was a failure so it ended up being 14 miles of pure agony. The 2nd successfully 20 I ran with Michele Marcus, my bestie. She is a phenomenal distance runner and I made it 19 miles this time and walked a little of the last mile. I was very happy because it was at Mahomet, so a little hilly and we went a little fast. My next attempt was another failure. My third 20 I ran again with Valeria and it was the best. I ran on pace for the first 10 and got slightly faster through the last 10 to finish with an incredible last mile. That should have been my race day. After this run I felt like I had done the marathon. My last 20 was the worst. I cried to my friend Marc Mills and pushed through it but I hated it. I was so unhappy. My negative attitude was in place from that moment on. I found that I was only enjoying shorter faster runs and the thought of anything over 10 miles was torture. I should have dropped to the half at this time. I should have seen what was to come. But....man....I ran all those miles, there was no way in HELL I wasn't going for it.
Someone told me, maybe Valeria, maybe Letitia Moffitt. We will never be good enough to make money running, so if you aren't enjoying it, you should not be doing it. So true.
The week before the marathon I was a wreck. I knew it was bad. Anyone around me could have told you that it was bad. I didn't feel well, I had started a new medication that wasn't sitting well with me. Most of all, I was just dreading the race.
Race day comes and I feel a little hopeful. Except I am dealing with one of the biggest running issues pre race. Haha, even coffee wouldn't do the trick for this one folks. So yah, I mean, not what you want on your mind when you know you are about to run 26.2, but hey, wasn't gonna happen so you have to deal. I wanted to break 4 hours so I had planned on 8:50 pace. This would give me a good 10 minutes if anything went wrong. ..
Here is my mind during the race - enjoy!
I cannot believe it is race day and I am at the starting line. We wait. We glance around, lots of people, lots of clothing being removed and thrown, lots of watches being checked. The countdown, the gun, we are off....we are walking...to the start line....very slowly. Aldo and I laugh. But we reach it, we say good luck, and we go.....
That first mile was a little fast, but that's normal. On NO, I lost satellite. What the hell that mile was too slow. Yikes those 5 miles were too fast Niki. Mile 7, I will have to stop to remove a band aid. I put it on a blister but now it is causing another one. I am stopping at the next aid station at mile 8 to remove it quickly. I am off again. Mile 9 goes ok, mile 10, why are my legs feeling heavy? This can't be happening this soon. Mile 11, heavy. Mile 12 heavier. Mile 13 I have to walk and try to stretch. Mile 15, SHIT I have stopped 3 times and I am hurting. I heard someone. Who is that? Why is he yelling at me? I hear from behind me, "Go. No go. Don't walk. Go." I feel a hand touch me and I fly around to punch someone and oh, it's Aldo. I try to catch up and run with him and he is doing great, I can tell he is having a great race. I can't keep up. He tells me I will catch him later. I hope I don't. I hope he has a good race.
I contemplate at the next aid station giving up. I know people are watching me from home, Tonya, Cory, and my parents. I know they are wondering what has happened. I am just so tired and stiff, sore, tight. I see mile 18, somewhere around here is a park. This part of the course is different. It is pretty and unique, not so much concrete and traffic. It is more like what I am use to running in. I see a bright tree. I laugh, it is a tree made out of kiddie pools and sleds. It gives me some renewed energy. I decide I will finish. I do not know what it was about this park or that tree but I know I will finish. All I have to do is run a mile, then I get to walk. Run each mile as it is a single mile. Amber Anderson - anyone can run a mile. Repeat it. Get through.
Mile 19. I almost cry. I can walk!! I walk a bit and start up. Mile 20, I am on a downhill I will go with it and actually go almost an extra half mile. I run through 21. 5 more miles! I can do this. OMG NO, Coffee don't start to work now. NO NO NO SHIT. Mile 22 I see Jodi!! I am so happy to see Jodi! She is suffering but she seems so strong. She is suffering worse than me and is pushing. I can do this.
I hit mile 23, almost a 5k left. I can do this. I remember the last 2 miles are down hill. I can make it. Mile 24 my stomach is hurting (F U COFFEE) and my calves are so tight. I can't stop, if I stop anymore I won't be able to make it. Mile 25, I want to cry. One mile. Repeat Amber Anderson. I can do it. I need to walk. Ouch my calves. Someone yells at me to go, you are almost there. I see the 26 mile marker ahead. It is so far. How far is it. it is .05 mile that can't be right it is so far ahead. I hear my name. Someone is yelling at me. Oh it is Nicholas and Michele. My bestie sees me!! She is cheering me in. I love her so much yah! I can do this. I turn the corner and see the finish line. It is so far. I will never make it. I won't walk in front of all these people. I won't make it. I WILL MAKE IT. I did make it. I am done. Where is the chocolate milk Ryan told me about?
I cried. I did not cry after my first marathon, my second marathon, or the half Ironman. I balled. I used everything I had to get to the finish and I made it. Thank you everyone who helped me along the way.
Going back to the hotel was a haze. I was crying. I was lost. I remember reaching the hotel and thinking there was no way I would make it up the stairs. I started crying so hard and these guys in this Michelob Ultra tent just stared at me and laughed. Jokes on them and their nasty beer. I did make it to the hotel, found Valeria, we made it to our hotel room which was a marathon in itself. And life goes on....
I have already got plans of the next one...in a long time :) But yah, there will be another race, You live, you learn. But, I will be heartbroken for a bit. It was my own doing. I know that now and I will change things for next time.
Next time you read this saying- The marathon is 70% running and 30% mental or whatever it is, I beg to differ. Even on your best day, in the best weather, with everything in your favor, if you do not come with the right mindset and you are not thinking positive, you will not win your race.
Thank you for reading my journey again....till next time! Date: 4/16/16 Distance: Forever Event: Love
I know a marathon regardless of time is an accomplishment. When I finished my first half marathon I cried. I was so proud of myself and so happy that I could do something so amazingly difficult. I did not care about time, awards, whatever. I cared that I ran 13.1 miles (I didn't even realize till I got to 13 that the .1 was a half marathon distance and I cussed) and finished. So when people tell you that it is great and an amazing accomplishment just to finish a marathon, I get it. I remember 2 years ago crutching around Indy with a broken hip just wishing I could walk again let alone run. I told myself when I could run again I wouldn't care about time, because running slow was better than not running at all. So why am I so upset....
Well, I think a part of anyone would be upset after spending months training for a goal and falling short. I just kept thinking during the race, "I am going to have to do this all over again. FUCK." So yah, I am happy I finished. I pushed myself way past the point of discomfort to finish and I am damn proud of that and the fact that for the past two days my body has been retaliating against me for doing it. I am just heartbroken that I didn't get my goal.
This all started before the race, months before. I tried a new plan. I started this plan less than a week after finishing my first Half Ironman. MISTAKE!! I needed to take more time. My body may have been recovered but my mind wasn't. What I learned over the next few months is, even if your body is ready to go, your mind is in control. This plan consisted of 3 days of running and 2 days of cross training a week. The runs are all hard. One day was a long run, one day was speed work, and one day was a tempo. There were no easy runs, those are your cross training days. I chose to swim on them, sometimes bike. This plan had 6 - 20 mile runs. S I X!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK. There will be swearing in this blog and a lot of it so if you are offended, run a crappy marathon and try not to swear. Anyway. I completed 4 of those 20 milers. The first one was successful. I ran and my buddy Valeria Rohde biked with me and I made it to 18 miles and had to walk a little but this was my first 20 post hip stress fracture. My next attempt was a failure so it ended up being 14 miles of pure agony. The 2nd successfully 20 I ran with Michele Marcus, my bestie. She is a phenomenal distance runner and I made it 19 miles this time and walked a little of the last mile. I was very happy because it was at Mahomet, so a little hilly and we went a little fast. My next attempt was another failure. My third 20 I ran again with Valeria and it was the best. I ran on pace for the first 10 and got slightly faster through the last 10 to finish with an incredible last mile. That should have been my race day. After this run I felt like I had done the marathon. My last 20 was the worst. I cried to my friend Marc Mills and pushed through it but I hated it. I was so unhappy. My negative attitude was in place from that moment on. I found that I was only enjoying shorter faster runs and the thought of anything over 10 miles was torture. I should have dropped to the half at this time. I should have seen what was to come. But....man....I ran all those miles, there was no way in HELL I wasn't going for it.
Someone told me, maybe Valeria, maybe Letitia Moffitt. We will never be good enough to make money running, so if you aren't enjoying it, you should not be doing it. So true.
The week before the marathon I was a wreck. I knew it was bad. Anyone around me could have told you that it was bad. I didn't feel well, I had started a new medication that wasn't sitting well with me. Most of all, I was just dreading the race.
Race day comes and I feel a little hopeful. Except I am dealing with one of the biggest running issues pre race. Haha, even coffee wouldn't do the trick for this one folks. So yah, I mean, not what you want on your mind when you know you are about to run 26.2, but hey, wasn't gonna happen so you have to deal. I wanted to break 4 hours so I had planned on 8:50 pace. This would give me a good 10 minutes if anything went wrong. ..
Here is my mind during the race - enjoy!
I cannot believe it is race day and I am at the starting line. We wait. We glance around, lots of people, lots of clothing being removed and thrown, lots of watches being checked. The countdown, the gun, we are off....we are walking...to the start line....very slowly. Aldo and I laugh. But we reach it, we say good luck, and we go.....
That first mile was a little fast, but that's normal. On NO, I lost satellite. What the hell that mile was too slow. Yikes those 5 miles were too fast Niki. Mile 7, I will have to stop to remove a band aid. I put it on a blister but now it is causing another one. I am stopping at the next aid station at mile 8 to remove it quickly. I am off again. Mile 9 goes ok, mile 10, why are my legs feeling heavy? This can't be happening this soon. Mile 11, heavy. Mile 12 heavier. Mile 13 I have to walk and try to stretch. Mile 15, SHIT I have stopped 3 times and I am hurting. I heard someone. Who is that? Why is he yelling at me? I hear from behind me, "Go. No go. Don't walk. Go." I feel a hand touch me and I fly around to punch someone and oh, it's Aldo. I try to catch up and run with him and he is doing great, I can tell he is having a great race. I can't keep up. He tells me I will catch him later. I hope I don't. I hope he has a good race.
I contemplate at the next aid station giving up. I know people are watching me from home, Tonya, Cory, and my parents. I know they are wondering what has happened. I am just so tired and stiff, sore, tight. I see mile 18, somewhere around here is a park. This part of the course is different. It is pretty and unique, not so much concrete and traffic. It is more like what I am use to running in. I see a bright tree. I laugh, it is a tree made out of kiddie pools and sleds. It gives me some renewed energy. I decide I will finish. I do not know what it was about this park or that tree but I know I will finish. All I have to do is run a mile, then I get to walk. Run each mile as it is a single mile. Amber Anderson - anyone can run a mile. Repeat it. Get through.
Mile 19. I almost cry. I can walk!! I walk a bit and start up. Mile 20, I am on a downhill I will go with it and actually go almost an extra half mile. I run through 21. 5 more miles! I can do this. OMG NO, Coffee don't start to work now. NO NO NO SHIT. Mile 22 I see Jodi!! I am so happy to see Jodi! She is suffering but she seems so strong. She is suffering worse than me and is pushing. I can do this.
I hit mile 23, almost a 5k left. I can do this. I remember the last 2 miles are down hill. I can make it. Mile 24 my stomach is hurting (F U COFFEE) and my calves are so tight. I can't stop, if I stop anymore I won't be able to make it. Mile 25, I want to cry. One mile. Repeat Amber Anderson. I can do it. I need to walk. Ouch my calves. Someone yells at me to go, you are almost there. I see the 26 mile marker ahead. It is so far. How far is it. it is .05 mile that can't be right it is so far ahead. I hear my name. Someone is yelling at me. Oh it is Nicholas and Michele. My bestie sees me!! She is cheering me in. I love her so much yah! I can do this. I turn the corner and see the finish line. It is so far. I will never make it. I won't walk in front of all these people. I won't make it. I WILL MAKE IT. I did make it. I am done. Where is the chocolate milk Ryan told me about?
I cried. I did not cry after my first marathon, my second marathon, or the half Ironman. I balled. I used everything I had to get to the finish and I made it. Thank you everyone who helped me along the way.
Going back to the hotel was a haze. I was crying. I was lost. I remember reaching the hotel and thinking there was no way I would make it up the stairs. I started crying so hard and these guys in this Michelob Ultra tent just stared at me and laughed. Jokes on them and their nasty beer. I did make it to the hotel, found Valeria, we made it to our hotel room which was a marathon in itself. And life goes on....
I have already got plans of the next one...in a long time :) But yah, there will be another race, You live, you learn. But, I will be heartbroken for a bit. It was my own doing. I know that now and I will change things for next time.
Next time you read this saying- The marathon is 70% running and 30% mental or whatever it is, I beg to differ. Even on your best day, in the best weather, with everything in your favor, if you do not come with the right mindset and you are not thinking positive, you will not win your race.
Thank you for reading my journey again....till next time! Date: 4/16/16 Distance: Forever Event: Love
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
HATERS gonna HATE. HATE. HATE HATE HATE.
Before I even start I had to check the spelling of hate. It does not look right in all caps haha!
So this happens to me at least once a year. I get a random Facebook message telling me that I do not have to tell my everyone about my workouts. Or something like I need to stop bragging, or I am making someone feel bad. Blah Blah Blah. Yah blah blah GO AWAY.
I particularly liked the message I got last year about if I did not stop bragging about how good I was they were going to unfriend me. I didn't stop "bragging" and they did unfriend me. I guess it was a win for me. I am not trying to sound cold or be a bitch (ok yes I am), but I do not brag haha. I am not talented. I do what I do and I talk about it. It makes me feel better. End of story. Funny thing is, there is a little unfriend button and a little unfollow button to make life so much better. Believe me, I have used it. It works wonders. And I welcome anyone that finds me annoying or thinks I am bragging to make their life better and use it! :) STOP SENDING ME CRAP PM'S
Yes I got one bright and early this morning. After I swam, right before I was getting ready to post about it. I had a poor swim today. My friend Teresa was at the Y, she lifeguards there, and I told her I just did not feel it. I went home and actually did core for the first time in months because I wanted to feel better about my lousy workout. Tell you what, I would have felt a lot worse if I got up and saw a post about a bad workout and I had not even attempted one. I think that is the problem with people. Not me, but them....
I mean, yes I post, A LOT. Even my close workout buddies have told me I post a lot. Whatever, sometimes I even BRAG for them when they don't. I am proud of my workouts, I am proud of my friend's workouts. I have a friend who sends out inspirational post daily. He talks about his accomplishments, tries to get others involved. I do not think I have ever seen him post something negative. He is a very positive person and I am sure there are people out there that he helps every day. I am sure there are people out there that he pisses off every day too. Does it stop him. NOPE. I would rather be the inspiration to one person out there and piss off a hundred, than be the person that constantly complains about how bad their life is and does nothing to change it. His life wasn't always peachy. Like most of us he has had plenty of struggles. He chose to rise above them and learn from them, be a voice and inspiration to others instead of dwell. I am proud of him and would rather have 100 of his messages in my feed. You see the political messages, the ads, the cruelty to animals and children post. It makes me sad. His posts give me hope. Hope for who we are and all of the bad in the world. I hope people look at mine and it gives them hope, makes them want to be better.
There are some mornings I wake up and do not want to swim, or do my run. I think about Facebook and how I post about it every day and if I do not go and do not post people will know I did not work out. Silly, yes. But it helps me be accountable. I do not really even need it anymore because I have now basically got into the routine and if I do not get up and do it I know I will feel crummy about it later and I don't even care what FB thinks. Like I said, I post for me, or that one in a hundred that gets me.
I am not posting to brag. I will never go to the Olympics, Kona will only be a vacation stop, and I will be lucky if I ever even place in a local triathlon. But I am more proud of myself for overcoming my battles, for facing my fears, and for doing what I once thought was impossible, and doing it well. I have earned the right to post about it, to brag about it if you may, and I will continue to do so. This is your only warning! Because I will do what I did today when I get a silly PM. I will delete it without responding, because it is that person's issue not mine.
So this happens to me at least once a year. I get a random Facebook message telling me that I do not have to tell my everyone about my workouts. Or something like I need to stop bragging, or I am making someone feel bad. Blah Blah Blah. Yah blah blah GO AWAY.
I particularly liked the message I got last year about if I did not stop bragging about how good I was they were going to unfriend me. I didn't stop "bragging" and they did unfriend me. I guess it was a win for me. I am not trying to sound cold or be a bitch (ok yes I am), but I do not brag haha. I am not talented. I do what I do and I talk about it. It makes me feel better. End of story. Funny thing is, there is a little unfriend button and a little unfollow button to make life so much better. Believe me, I have used it. It works wonders. And I welcome anyone that finds me annoying or thinks I am bragging to make their life better and use it! :) STOP SENDING ME CRAP PM'S
Yes I got one bright and early this morning. After I swam, right before I was getting ready to post about it. I had a poor swim today. My friend Teresa was at the Y, she lifeguards there, and I told her I just did not feel it. I went home and actually did core for the first time in months because I wanted to feel better about my lousy workout. Tell you what, I would have felt a lot worse if I got up and saw a post about a bad workout and I had not even attempted one. I think that is the problem with people. Not me, but them....
I mean, yes I post, A LOT. Even my close workout buddies have told me I post a lot. Whatever, sometimes I even BRAG for them when they don't. I am proud of my workouts, I am proud of my friend's workouts. I have a friend who sends out inspirational post daily. He talks about his accomplishments, tries to get others involved. I do not think I have ever seen him post something negative. He is a very positive person and I am sure there are people out there that he helps every day. I am sure there are people out there that he pisses off every day too. Does it stop him. NOPE. I would rather be the inspiration to one person out there and piss off a hundred, than be the person that constantly complains about how bad their life is and does nothing to change it. His life wasn't always peachy. Like most of us he has had plenty of struggles. He chose to rise above them and learn from them, be a voice and inspiration to others instead of dwell. I am proud of him and would rather have 100 of his messages in my feed. You see the political messages, the ads, the cruelty to animals and children post. It makes me sad. His posts give me hope. Hope for who we are and all of the bad in the world. I hope people look at mine and it gives them hope, makes them want to be better.
There are some mornings I wake up and do not want to swim, or do my run. I think about Facebook and how I post about it every day and if I do not go and do not post people will know I did not work out. Silly, yes. But it helps me be accountable. I do not really even need it anymore because I have now basically got into the routine and if I do not get up and do it I know I will feel crummy about it later and I don't even care what FB thinks. Like I said, I post for me, or that one in a hundred that gets me.
I am not posting to brag. I will never go to the Olympics, Kona will only be a vacation stop, and I will be lucky if I ever even place in a local triathlon. But I am more proud of myself for overcoming my battles, for facing my fears, and for doing what I once thought was impossible, and doing it well. I have earned the right to post about it, to brag about it if you may, and I will continue to do so. This is your only warning! Because I will do what I did today when I get a silly PM. I will delete it without responding, because it is that person's issue not mine.
Monday, July 20, 2015
70.3 - 98% will never know what it truly means!
So as requested, I am going to do a short wrap up blog. But I plan to write for the SWRC newsletter, hopefully with Aldo, about the training and race as a whole. So this will be mostly a fun blog...
70.3. That is a lot of miles. For those of you that do 140.6, this is no joke, even if I make some funnies. YOU ARE AMAZING. PERIOD. I do not know what else I can say because I am pretty sure if my butt would have let me go another 56 miles on the bike, and that's if I didn't drown on the swim, I wouldn't have been able to walk on the run! So in my eyes you are all incredible.
So here is my funny wrap up. Let's begin with pre-race.
- Tornado's need to stay the F away from thousands of bikes lined up to race
- Pasta was a good idea. Beer calmed my soul.
- No matter how much your skinny friend eats, she can still take down some Cheetos and Donuts, and race like a pro the next day.
- The AC in a hotel is the most annoying and wonderful thing to disrupt my sleep.
- Cory is amazing and puts up with a lot of crap and whining from me.
- Never underestimate the power of thousands of people to make all their race crap fit in tiny spots.
- Putting on a wetsuit in humidity is a sport in itself and should be counted.
Moving on to the swim....
- Lake Michigan is freaking COLD.
- It helps to just constantly put your head under the water pre-race and about knock yourself out with burst of coldness
- I sure did pee in my wetsuit. Several times. No one stole it this time so I think I did well.
- Cold water = fast swimming. I swam my fastest time. I wanted out of there.
- As I told the crazies, I brought back a piece of Lake Michigan with me...in my tummy. I believe it helped me hydrate for the first few miles of the bike.
- I hate swimmers in white caps. They swam over me. Grrrr. Haha
Transition 1
-Oddly when my parents saw my T1 time they figured I had to go potty. They were right. I got rid of some of Lake Michigan.
- I am thankful for the people that help remove wetsuits. I do not think I would ever sign up for that! They even helped me up off the ground after I fell down. Awesome people. As were all the volunteers out there, most of whom probably didn't get thanked.
- I think I biked and ran the entire race with sand in my socks, oh well.
- I had no sense of urgency at either T and I was proud of that.
56 miles of bumps - on to the bike....
-Racine needs to fix their damn roads.
- Forcing down peanut butter Ritz and honey stinger waffles was ok. I may never want to look at them again in my entire life, but they worked ok.
- I am now a pro at retrieving my water bottle and drinking. The first few tri's I lost a few bottles and Cory was getting mad haha.
- There are some fast freaking bikers out there, I am not the slowest, but I have a long way to go if I ever want to race like some of these people do. WOW.
- Once again, thank you volunteers. It can't be easy staying out in the sun all day.
- Seriously. The definition of FLAT should say: see an Illinois resident. I mean, it wasn't super hilly but I would not consider that flat. Flat is _______ not ___/ HAHA
- I have never been so happy to dismount from that bike. When we got home I told Cory to hang it up, I was done with it for a while. Well....at least a week :)
T2...
- I thought I may puke. I still had a half marathon. F me.
- I decided to try this bagel from that morning to calm my stomach. Oh how nice, it was toasted. Wait. How? Oh right, the sun.....
- Sunscreen, shoes, belt, and I was off. oh wait, take off the damn helmet, that would have looked silly. Sun visor. Ok time to run...ok time to walk. Time to get out of T2 NIKI
13.1 miles of hell, and food.
- I am a runner so why was it so hard to run. The first 6 miles I felt like I may puke. I was afraid if I did I would be disqualified.
- I was so incredibly thirsty. I was gulping water and take oranges at every stop and it wasn't enough.
- I decided to run .5 mile, walk .1. when I was defeated by that, I decided to do what I could.
- Seeing my teammates (friends) a long the way, seeing Cory tell me how great I was doing and smiling and running a long the side with me so we could talk, it all gave me the strength to finish.
- The aid stations are like buffets, but seriously, warm coke is disgusting. Warm anything to drink on that hot of day is nasty.
- To the two men close to the end that told me to dig deep and I told them I had dug to the bottom and then told them I would dig farther and they cheered me like crazy, THANK YOU. that was amazing!
- Once again, see definition for FLAT. the beginning seriously had me worried.
- Was that really a zoo?? Cause the only animals I saw where the ones doing the race with me.
- When I saw the finish line I was a mix of emotions. I was happy because I did it. I felt proud because my friends, parents, Cory, Cory's parents, everyone was watching. I was worried because I was concerned about my friend's health. I was happy because I knew another friend was about to finish with me. I was amazed because I was pretty sure that another friend had just achieved a major goal. And I was sad because it was about to be over. Funny, I was too exhausted to share any of these emotions so I just stood there.
The aftermath
- Well most of you know. We haven't shut up since we crossed the finish line.
- Oddly I do not have much muscle pain.
- I am badly burnt, chaffed, and oddly again, the roof of my mouth hurts so bad when I swallow I can barely eat.
- I have some awesome tan lines.
-When and Where is the next one?!?!?!?!
70.3 - lots came happen during those miles. But I found a lot more happened during the training up to those miles. I learned a lot about myself. I have memories that will be with me forever. Before the race the speaker said we were all about to do something only 2% of the world would consider doing. I would like to say I just accomplished my goal that 98% of the world, will never try!!
70.3. That is a lot of miles. For those of you that do 140.6, this is no joke, even if I make some funnies. YOU ARE AMAZING. PERIOD. I do not know what else I can say because I am pretty sure if my butt would have let me go another 56 miles on the bike, and that's if I didn't drown on the swim, I wouldn't have been able to walk on the run! So in my eyes you are all incredible.
So here is my funny wrap up. Let's begin with pre-race.
- Tornado's need to stay the F away from thousands of bikes lined up to race
- Pasta was a good idea. Beer calmed my soul.
- No matter how much your skinny friend eats, she can still take down some Cheetos and Donuts, and race like a pro the next day.
- The AC in a hotel is the most annoying and wonderful thing to disrupt my sleep.
- Cory is amazing and puts up with a lot of crap and whining from me.
- Never underestimate the power of thousands of people to make all their race crap fit in tiny spots.
- Putting on a wetsuit in humidity is a sport in itself and should be counted.
Moving on to the swim....
- Lake Michigan is freaking COLD.
- It helps to just constantly put your head under the water pre-race and about knock yourself out with burst of coldness
- I sure did pee in my wetsuit. Several times. No one stole it this time so I think I did well.
- Cold water = fast swimming. I swam my fastest time. I wanted out of there.
- As I told the crazies, I brought back a piece of Lake Michigan with me...in my tummy. I believe it helped me hydrate for the first few miles of the bike.
- I hate swimmers in white caps. They swam over me. Grrrr. Haha
Transition 1
-Oddly when my parents saw my T1 time they figured I had to go potty. They were right. I got rid of some of Lake Michigan.
- I am thankful for the people that help remove wetsuits. I do not think I would ever sign up for that! They even helped me up off the ground after I fell down. Awesome people. As were all the volunteers out there, most of whom probably didn't get thanked.
- I think I biked and ran the entire race with sand in my socks, oh well.
- I had no sense of urgency at either T and I was proud of that.
56 miles of bumps - on to the bike....
-Racine needs to fix their damn roads.
- Forcing down peanut butter Ritz and honey stinger waffles was ok. I may never want to look at them again in my entire life, but they worked ok.
- I am now a pro at retrieving my water bottle and drinking. The first few tri's I lost a few bottles and Cory was getting mad haha.
- There are some fast freaking bikers out there, I am not the slowest, but I have a long way to go if I ever want to race like some of these people do. WOW.
- Once again, thank you volunteers. It can't be easy staying out in the sun all day.
- Seriously. The definition of FLAT should say: see an Illinois resident. I mean, it wasn't super hilly but I would not consider that flat. Flat is _______ not ___/ HAHA
- I have never been so happy to dismount from that bike. When we got home I told Cory to hang it up, I was done with it for a while. Well....at least a week :)
T2...
- I thought I may puke. I still had a half marathon. F me.
- I decided to try this bagel from that morning to calm my stomach. Oh how nice, it was toasted. Wait. How? Oh right, the sun.....
- Sunscreen, shoes, belt, and I was off. oh wait, take off the damn helmet, that would have looked silly. Sun visor. Ok time to run...ok time to walk. Time to get out of T2 NIKI
13.1 miles of hell, and food.
- I am a runner so why was it so hard to run. The first 6 miles I felt like I may puke. I was afraid if I did I would be disqualified.
- I was so incredibly thirsty. I was gulping water and take oranges at every stop and it wasn't enough.
- I decided to run .5 mile, walk .1. when I was defeated by that, I decided to do what I could.
- Seeing my teammates (friends) a long the way, seeing Cory tell me how great I was doing and smiling and running a long the side with me so we could talk, it all gave me the strength to finish.
- The aid stations are like buffets, but seriously, warm coke is disgusting. Warm anything to drink on that hot of day is nasty.
- To the two men close to the end that told me to dig deep and I told them I had dug to the bottom and then told them I would dig farther and they cheered me like crazy, THANK YOU. that was amazing!
- Once again, see definition for FLAT. the beginning seriously had me worried.
- Was that really a zoo?? Cause the only animals I saw where the ones doing the race with me.
- When I saw the finish line I was a mix of emotions. I was happy because I did it. I felt proud because my friends, parents, Cory, Cory's parents, everyone was watching. I was worried because I was concerned about my friend's health. I was happy because I knew another friend was about to finish with me. I was amazed because I was pretty sure that another friend had just achieved a major goal. And I was sad because it was about to be over. Funny, I was too exhausted to share any of these emotions so I just stood there.
The aftermath
- Well most of you know. We haven't shut up since we crossed the finish line.
- Oddly I do not have much muscle pain.
- I am badly burnt, chaffed, and oddly again, the roof of my mouth hurts so bad when I swallow I can barely eat.
- I have some awesome tan lines.
-When and Where is the next one?!?!?!?!
70.3 - lots came happen during those miles. But I found a lot more happened during the training up to those miles. I learned a lot about myself. I have memories that will be with me forever. Before the race the speaker said we were all about to do something only 2% of the world would consider doing. I would like to say I just accomplished my goal that 98% of the world, will never try!!
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
The Trying Tales of the Triathlete
I knew going into training for a half ironman I would be facing challenges. My body still recovering from a hip stress fracture, the reason this crazy adventure started, would be the biggest challenge itself right? Nah. Not at all. I am going to go back to grade school now and draw my bubble with stems off of it to create my intro, 3 body paragraphs, and conclusion here. Haha just kidding! Funny however being a triathlete that I am going to group this into the 3 (get it TRI) areas that have really just been trying during this adventure. Was that an accurate thesis statement? :)
So when I started I was mainly worried about my hip acting up. At the beginning of the year when I was training for the marathon and got to the 18-20 mile runs I felt the pain come back so I backed off and did the half marathon instead, and the pain went away. Woohoo! Smart girl! Well my half IM training was going smoothly and without silly pain until I decided to go out and conquer Mountain Goat hills with my bike and let's just say the hip and hamstring did not agree that Mountain Goat was a fun, good idea like I thought. When training for a half IM and you are 4 weeks out you can't really just back off and I am sure not going to skip it. I am already one wetsuit down and I am not going to add a paid half IM and 6 months of training to it. But I was once again a good girl and went and saw my PT and she told me to roll and stretch. I have been like a freaking superstar. And the pain is....yah, nope it is still there. It is less and I am working through it but it is still there. I can't really expect it to go away putting 80 miles on the bike and 15 on my feet in two days though. I will be a good girl and take some time off....starting July 20th :) That is the first challenge, on to stem number 2.
Money. I am broke. I do not mean I am missing out on area races because I decided to do a big race broke, I mean I am flat broke. Yes I took a slight pay cut to be in a happier job position, but holy crap being a triathlete is expensive. Notice how running is more popular, it isn't because it is easier, it is because it is cheaper!! Ok I am kidding here, I respect all of my triathlete friends MORE than anyone can EVER know. I respect their wallets too. I know a guy that does 3, IM a year. That is $750! FOR ONE OF THEM...and I mean just race entry. That doesn't include travel, board, food, and all the upkeep on race equipment. I remember my friend Mike and me adding up our races a few years back and we had spent like $700 on race fees and were all proud and could not believe how much we had spent. I spent that on equipment. I have done 4 races this year and spent over $700. WTF!!! So you can only imagine the B***H that I became when my wetsuit was stolen 2 days after I bought it. You have got to be F ing kidding me. I will tell you what, the person who came up with IM is probably one rich son of a genius. So yah I am broke. Who wants to buy me a beer tonight? Ok, the last stem, the one I did not expect, the one that has been the most trying...
Relationships. Time. I remember one friend telling me that doing an IM is the most selfish thing you can ever do to a spouse. Another told me she spent 20 hours a week training for her IM. 20 freaking hours. Yes folks, you train like it is a part time job because an IM is not an easy task and if you do not train you will not finish. I am afraid I won't finish the Half IM and I have trained well. Very well, I am very proud of myself. It is very straining to your relationships. This weekend I trained for 5 hours on Saturday and 3 hours Sunday. I was a tired mess. Cory wants me to hang out with him, go on bike rides, stay up and watch movies. It is not his fault I am tired but week after week of going through this gets to him. I do not want to clean or do extra stuff because I have already done so much. I do not feel like going out for drinks with friends or going over to my moms for dinner. I mean, I have fun once I get my butt up and go out but it is trying to even put on makeup and do my hair sometimes. I definitely have used training as an excuse and some friends and family have been hurt by it, mostly Cory, because he gets a front row viewing of it all. He sees when I am tired, hears when I am hurt, helps me because I am broke, and still cheers me along the way. I definitely have him, my parents, and friends to thank once this is all said and done! For helping me and putting up with my grouchy ass! :)
Ok this isn't another stem, I just wanted to separate it because it is the most trying of all the tri's... my relationship with myself. I do not know how many times in the past 3 months I have told myself I CAN NOT do this. It is a constant battle in my head. I am so pessimistic about this race, For each Olympic we have done in preparation I have had a constant battle in my head the week before. I have been so down in the dumps and hard on myself. I think this has taken the toughest toll on my relationship with myself. I know that half of the bike and probably most of the run will be accomplished with my brain. I need to be able to be positive, not compare myself with others, and do the best I can. Sadly this is also the hardest part for me. I have voiced my worries and had several friends who are IM say that I am fine, and I will surprise myself, and this and that. I remember when my friend was doing his first half marathon and he was freaking out and I kept thinking, "it is only 13 miles dude." Yah I was an ass. He had never done it, of course he was nervous and worried. Sometimes I want to say, "HEY IM, this is my first too!" I am sure a half is easy to an IM but it is daunting to me. I just need to remember that it is my race, not my friends, not the person next to me in the swim/bike/run. I hope to come back with an awesome The Terrific Tales of the Triathlete afterwards haha. I just need to calm down and race my race. Regardless I have learned a lot about myself through the training, mostly that I am a heck of a lot stronger than I thought I was and that I can go a lot longer and harder than I thought I could. I just need those happy thoughts for my race.
Happy thoughts! :) (Yes that is my closing paragraph) That says enough!
So when I started I was mainly worried about my hip acting up. At the beginning of the year when I was training for the marathon and got to the 18-20 mile runs I felt the pain come back so I backed off and did the half marathon instead, and the pain went away. Woohoo! Smart girl! Well my half IM training was going smoothly and without silly pain until I decided to go out and conquer Mountain Goat hills with my bike and let's just say the hip and hamstring did not agree that Mountain Goat was a fun, good idea like I thought. When training for a half IM and you are 4 weeks out you can't really just back off and I am sure not going to skip it. I am already one wetsuit down and I am not going to add a paid half IM and 6 months of training to it. But I was once again a good girl and went and saw my PT and she told me to roll and stretch. I have been like a freaking superstar. And the pain is....yah, nope it is still there. It is less and I am working through it but it is still there. I can't really expect it to go away putting 80 miles on the bike and 15 on my feet in two days though. I will be a good girl and take some time off....starting July 20th :) That is the first challenge, on to stem number 2.
Money. I am broke. I do not mean I am missing out on area races because I decided to do a big race broke, I mean I am flat broke. Yes I took a slight pay cut to be in a happier job position, but holy crap being a triathlete is expensive. Notice how running is more popular, it isn't because it is easier, it is because it is cheaper!! Ok I am kidding here, I respect all of my triathlete friends MORE than anyone can EVER know. I respect their wallets too. I know a guy that does 3, IM a year. That is $750! FOR ONE OF THEM...and I mean just race entry. That doesn't include travel, board, food, and all the upkeep on race equipment. I remember my friend Mike and me adding up our races a few years back and we had spent like $700 on race fees and were all proud and could not believe how much we had spent. I spent that on equipment. I have done 4 races this year and spent over $700. WTF!!! So you can only imagine the B***H that I became when my wetsuit was stolen 2 days after I bought it. You have got to be F ing kidding me. I will tell you what, the person who came up with IM is probably one rich son of a genius. So yah I am broke. Who wants to buy me a beer tonight? Ok, the last stem, the one I did not expect, the one that has been the most trying...
Relationships. Time. I remember one friend telling me that doing an IM is the most selfish thing you can ever do to a spouse. Another told me she spent 20 hours a week training for her IM. 20 freaking hours. Yes folks, you train like it is a part time job because an IM is not an easy task and if you do not train you will not finish. I am afraid I won't finish the Half IM and I have trained well. Very well, I am very proud of myself. It is very straining to your relationships. This weekend I trained for 5 hours on Saturday and 3 hours Sunday. I was a tired mess. Cory wants me to hang out with him, go on bike rides, stay up and watch movies. It is not his fault I am tired but week after week of going through this gets to him. I do not want to clean or do extra stuff because I have already done so much. I do not feel like going out for drinks with friends or going over to my moms for dinner. I mean, I have fun once I get my butt up and go out but it is trying to even put on makeup and do my hair sometimes. I definitely have used training as an excuse and some friends and family have been hurt by it, mostly Cory, because he gets a front row viewing of it all. He sees when I am tired, hears when I am hurt, helps me because I am broke, and still cheers me along the way. I definitely have him, my parents, and friends to thank once this is all said and done! For helping me and putting up with my grouchy ass! :)
Ok this isn't another stem, I just wanted to separate it because it is the most trying of all the tri's... my relationship with myself. I do not know how many times in the past 3 months I have told myself I CAN NOT do this. It is a constant battle in my head. I am so pessimistic about this race, For each Olympic we have done in preparation I have had a constant battle in my head the week before. I have been so down in the dumps and hard on myself. I think this has taken the toughest toll on my relationship with myself. I know that half of the bike and probably most of the run will be accomplished with my brain. I need to be able to be positive, not compare myself with others, and do the best I can. Sadly this is also the hardest part for me. I have voiced my worries and had several friends who are IM say that I am fine, and I will surprise myself, and this and that. I remember when my friend was doing his first half marathon and he was freaking out and I kept thinking, "it is only 13 miles dude." Yah I was an ass. He had never done it, of course he was nervous and worried. Sometimes I want to say, "HEY IM, this is my first too!" I am sure a half is easy to an IM but it is daunting to me. I just need to remember that it is my race, not my friends, not the person next to me in the swim/bike/run. I hope to come back with an awesome The Terrific Tales of the Triathlete afterwards haha. I just need to calm down and race my race. Regardless I have learned a lot about myself through the training, mostly that I am a heck of a lot stronger than I thought I was and that I can go a lot longer and harder than I thought I could. I just need those happy thoughts for my race.
Happy thoughts! :) (Yes that is my closing paragraph) That says enough!
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Fifty Shades of Caitlyn Jenner
So I seemed to have lit a small fire with my post. I try to stay away from political, religious, etc topics so I avoid this, but once in awhile I feel an itch and post something other than my latest workout or serial killer fantasy. Oops.
I think I was misunderstood. I often am. I talk a lot, most of the time in circles not making sense, and a lot of the time saying something that someone will not exactly agree with! Hey I tell how I feel, what I think. This is not always the best thing but you can rest assured that I am honest! So there is that.
As for my post today, and if you did not see it it was this:
"Just heard that Caitlyn Jenner (Bruce) got more twitter followers in 4 hours than President Obama. This is what the world has come to.... :("
I meant in no way any disrespect for Caitlyn/Bruce lifestyle/choices/etc. I think anyone that steps out and lives their life the way they want to with no regrets and no worries about others judging, that is remarkable and something to be proud of. (I know I for one worry way to much about what people think of me.... I am writing this post because I am worried I upset people!) I have witnessed and stood by many friends that have kept secrets because of what they would do to their life if they let them out. I think you should live the life you want to, how you want to. As long as you are not hurting someone else in the process, it is your life. (This could be explained a lot better, I know, I need an editor to help me put my thoughts into words..... Letitia, I NEED YOU -insert business card!)
I guess what I meant is, I know a lot of people who have went through life changing obstacles. I know several that could be on magazine covers for what they have accomplished, what they have survived, what they have achieved....but they never will be. No one will care, because they aren't famous and it is not breaking news.
I listen to the radio on the way to the Y to swim and every morning I have to flip through stations to find songs because it is either HOLLYWOOD DIRT/CELEBRITY TRIVIA/CELEBRITY NEWS. I get to work and on breaks go to read the news and have to scan through 50 different headlines of whatever crap whatever celebrity is doing/has done/or is going to do. I'll be the first to say I like actors, I mean I have a top 5 list we joke about. I like the part they play in a show. When it comes to their real life, WHO CARES?? I do not know them from the guy that just drove by in his car. Just because I like Paul Spector on The Fall doesn't mean I want to know what Jamie Dornan does on Friday evening at 5pm. Just because I named my bike Dexter doesn't mean I care who Michael Hall is dating! Yes, I agree, the news surrounding Jenner, as my friend Valeria put it, "says a lot about the society we live in...." I agree, this story is different. It also has been done many times before by people who do not have the status and money and popularity that the Kardashian's and Jenner's have. Why can't those stories be told? Aren't they just as telling of our society as Jenner's?
I counted today. I read that the new Fifty Shades of Grey book is being released in at least 7 different headlines. Jenner was in even more. If you go to Yahoo's News page, the first page is all celebrity news. You actually have to search for real news. I like a good story now and then, and yes, I read this one on Jenner, I even read the one on Fifty, but come on, it is a struggle to find non celebrity news online. Now I do read the newspaper every day and go online to the News Gazette, so there is ways to avoid it, but still.
We were at a baby shower and one of the games was to name the celebrity baby name. It was fun, don't get me wrong! Some of the names celebs give their kids are just dreadful!! I think I overheard the answer for one and got that one right, maybe even guessed another. Some people got almost all right. That was baffling to me. I guess it isn't my thing, like watching serial killer shows isn't most people's thing. I guess there just comes a point when I get sick of hearing about Kim K's butt, Lindsay Lohan is in jail again, and Ben and Jen are breaking up..... It just isn't important. So yes, it surprised me today when the top 2 stories were Caitlyn and Fifty. I am sorry for offending anyone, like I said, what Caitlyn/Bruce is doing for herself is great and inspiring to anyone that is hiding their true self. I just feel that we forget that when a celeb does something like that it is remarkable, when a normal average person does it, it is what it is.....
I think I was misunderstood. I often am. I talk a lot, most of the time in circles not making sense, and a lot of the time saying something that someone will not exactly agree with! Hey I tell how I feel, what I think. This is not always the best thing but you can rest assured that I am honest! So there is that.
As for my post today, and if you did not see it it was this:
"Just heard that Caitlyn Jenner (Bruce) got more twitter followers in 4 hours than President Obama. This is what the world has come to.... :("
I meant in no way any disrespect for Caitlyn/Bruce lifestyle/choices/etc. I think anyone that steps out and lives their life the way they want to with no regrets and no worries about others judging, that is remarkable and something to be proud of. (I know I for one worry way to much about what people think of me.... I am writing this post because I am worried I upset people!) I have witnessed and stood by many friends that have kept secrets because of what they would do to their life if they let them out. I think you should live the life you want to, how you want to. As long as you are not hurting someone else in the process, it is your life. (This could be explained a lot better, I know, I need an editor to help me put my thoughts into words..... Letitia, I NEED YOU -insert business card!)
I guess what I meant is, I know a lot of people who have went through life changing obstacles. I know several that could be on magazine covers for what they have accomplished, what they have survived, what they have achieved....but they never will be. No one will care, because they aren't famous and it is not breaking news.
I listen to the radio on the way to the Y to swim and every morning I have to flip through stations to find songs because it is either HOLLYWOOD DIRT/CELEBRITY TRIVIA/CELEBRITY NEWS. I get to work and on breaks go to read the news and have to scan through 50 different headlines of whatever crap whatever celebrity is doing/has done/or is going to do. I'll be the first to say I like actors, I mean I have a top 5 list we joke about. I like the part they play in a show. When it comes to their real life, WHO CARES?? I do not know them from the guy that just drove by in his car. Just because I like Paul Spector on The Fall doesn't mean I want to know what Jamie Dornan does on Friday evening at 5pm. Just because I named my bike Dexter doesn't mean I care who Michael Hall is dating! Yes, I agree, the news surrounding Jenner, as my friend Valeria put it, "says a lot about the society we live in...." I agree, this story is different. It also has been done many times before by people who do not have the status and money and popularity that the Kardashian's and Jenner's have. Why can't those stories be told? Aren't they just as telling of our society as Jenner's?
I counted today. I read that the new Fifty Shades of Grey book is being released in at least 7 different headlines. Jenner was in even more. If you go to Yahoo's News page, the first page is all celebrity news. You actually have to search for real news. I like a good story now and then, and yes, I read this one on Jenner, I even read the one on Fifty, but come on, it is a struggle to find non celebrity news online. Now I do read the newspaper every day and go online to the News Gazette, so there is ways to avoid it, but still.
We were at a baby shower and one of the games was to name the celebrity baby name. It was fun, don't get me wrong! Some of the names celebs give their kids are just dreadful!! I think I overheard the answer for one and got that one right, maybe even guessed another. Some people got almost all right. That was baffling to me. I guess it isn't my thing, like watching serial killer shows isn't most people's thing. I guess there just comes a point when I get sick of hearing about Kim K's butt, Lindsay Lohan is in jail again, and Ben and Jen are breaking up..... It just isn't important. So yes, it surprised me today when the top 2 stories were Caitlyn and Fifty. I am sorry for offending anyone, like I said, what Caitlyn/Bruce is doing for herself is great and inspiring to anyone that is hiding their true self. I just feel that we forget that when a celeb does something like that it is remarkable, when a normal average person does it, it is what it is.....
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