It was funny when my friend told me her son use to scream out "HOT COCOA!" when he heard that song from Fifty Shades by Ellie Goulding. It comes on...."What are you waiting for?" and he screams "Hot Cocoa!" You know, every mom wants their son to answer any song associated with that movie. So when I asked what he would want to walk into at my wedding she politely told me maybe I shouldn't ask because he would tell me All About That Bass. I chuckled and did not think much past it. However I am a lyric person. When Cory put that song on my IPOD I thought, yah, I am not really into Megan Trainor, but I listened to the lyrics and thought, wow, this is actually a pretty meaningful song that every young girl should listen to. So hey little G, if you want to stroll in to a little bass, more power to you....even though you probably like the bass part, and haven't a clue what the lyrics mean!
Which brings me to my post.... I just finished a 70 minute workout. I swam for 40 minutes and did a 30 minute core session. Last night I rowed for 30 minutes and did a 30 minute strength session. This has actually been a light week for me working out. But I have 2 hours before work and I haven't blogged in awhile so.....
I am getting married in less than a month. Most likely if you are reading this, that is not a big surprise to you. If it is come out from under whatever rock or place you are hibernating in, it is spring! I am pretty sure every bride wants to look their best on the big day, and well, usually a honeymoon follows and a bikini is a must. 4 months ago there was no bikini wearing for me. NO WAY. Actually most of my life I haven't been comfortable enough to sport a bikini, I have always had problems with how I viewed myself. I have struggled especially with always thinking I am fat. I have always been sporty. My muscles were always bigger than other girls my age, I was always bigger. It always made me feel fat. After high school when I stopped participating in sports, well besides the sport of eating and drinking beer, I did indeed become overweight for probably the first time in my life. Yes as a kid I had chunks, baby fat, but I look back and don't really think until that point in my life I was ever fat like I thought I was.
When the scale hit 180 on my 5'5 self, I knew something would have to be done. I went on Weight Watchers and within 3 months I had dropped down to 140 and started running again. Within a few more months I was under 130, the smallest I had been since 4th grade. Yes you read that right, 4th grade. I thought I looked fantastic. For once I could sport that bikini and when I did Cory told me to stop sucking it in. I wasn't. I had become unhealthy skinny, something I never thought possible. My friend who cut my hair told me that it wasn't growing and that my skin didn't look good. You see, on WW they give you points, I was allowed 23. I never ate that many. And when I started running I never ate more like I was supposed to. I liked being that skinny. For once my brothers could not tease me like they did when we were kids, like all kids do, about being fat. There was no fat on me.
I was obsessed with counting calories and losing weight. When I met Cory I ate half a salad or sandwich when we went to dinner, now I eat a whole....of both. See when I started training for the marathon I just couldn't keep eating that way! A monster took over and wanted food. Probably the best thing I did was sign up for that marathon and start eating again. I wasn't sick, I didn't have a disease, but I was obsessed and there is no telling what it may have lead to.
So....5 years later and I am facing a wedding date back at 150. But I am a different 150 than I was before. I decided I wanted to hit 140 for wedding day. That was just 10 pounds more than I was when I was at 130. However, I knew I was dealing with more muscle, so 140 would probably make me look like I did when I was 130. So I decided to drop the ice coffee, booze, extra snacks, and start up a core/strength training plan to add to my already pretty hefty workout plan.
Today I clocked my lowest weight since I went on this plan. 145. So I won't make it to 140, there is no way. As I started this and noticed the pounds weren't falling off quickly like last time, I got discouraged. I looked in the mirror and saw the pounds. Even as my clothes got looser, I still saw them. I was working out 6 times a week, over and hour each time, and basically had given up all the good stuff and I was not losing any freaking weight. I was broken. Then I see Cory, who has been drinking beer at night, eating ice cream, and working out as much as me, put up his weight on the board and he is losing. ASS. WTF! GRRRRR. well he can wear the damn bikini.
Today when I woke up and weighed 145, I smiled....and went and bought an ICE COFFEE for the first time in months....thank you Nic Carter. let's go back to little G's song choice! Last night while I did my strength workout I was at 105 squats with a 10 pound medicine ball, I can lift 10 pounds over my head with one arm while doing a core / strength workout...40 times! I can squat with a ball for 80 seconds. I can now jump rope 5x1 minute without stopping and without dying...Thank you JOE BAILS, when I took his class I could not make it 30 seconds. Today when I did my core workout I did 150 crunches, I did 3x 1 minute planks on each side and front. I did 75 leg lifts on each leg and 100 seconds of bridges. I did 150 (Things like a situp with the 10 pound medicine ball I do not know what it is called). This is all a record for me.
I may not have gotten to the weight I wanted, but I am strong. I am the strongest I have ever been! When I look at myself now in the mirror I am not focused on those pounds, I am focused on the muscle I now have! Muscle I used to think made me look big! Yah I may be bigger than all my friends I hang with, I mean I hang out with some pretty fast athletic women! But for once I am looking in the mirror and I am liking what I see! I am not skinny, but I am ok with that! I am finally comfortable with my body! I am proud of the hard work I have put into it. So before work I am going to sit here and enjoy my ice coffee....I deserve it. And this weekend....I am going to buy that bikini. well maybe....baby steps!
Thanks all for listening, this was hard for me to write.
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