Ok I owe this style of writing to Valeria Rohde as I stole it from her IM post. Hers made me cry. I loved it so much! I hope you don't mind V, but ever since I read your report and then decided on this journey your dedication and inspiration has fueled me! You are my hero! Not some movie star, not some pro runner, but the woman who can do a super sprint tri and turn around a day later and decide to do an IM and freaking do it!
In late 2013 I read a post Ironman race report from a friend. She made me want chicken broth. She did not make me want to attempt an Ironman. A year later I would be on the mend recovering from a hip stress fracture, swimming laps and buying my first bike assuring Cory I would never race triathlons. A year after that I purchased my first road bike, Dexter, and attempted my first HIM 70.3. 2016, I did two HIM. The day after the second one I signed up for Chatt 144.6. 2017 Cory got me my first triathlon bike, Spector. I spent this whole time building up to Feb 2017 when I would start a 6 month training program that would hopefully finish with Mike Reilly telling me my dream had come true and I was an Ironman. It did. This is my story!
Thursday:
We are packed and heading out. I am having many doubts. It will be hot. I am worried about getting sick. We are stopping at a hotel in Kentucky. The Cubs are playing the Brewers and need a win. They get it in the 10th inning. YES! I am excited. I remember back to the World Series thinking that if the Cubs won after 100 plus years I could win an Ironman. I feels good knowing they just won a hard game.
Friday:
I slept ok. 7 hours. We wake up and have breakfast and I overhear an employee say that everyone that works there has been sick. Worries set in. I wish I didn't hear her. We head out for Chatt. We stop at a beautiful rest stop on the lake right before we hit town. We take pics. We immediately park and head to the expo since we can't check in to the hotel till 3pm and it is only 12. Ironman village is loaded with people and tents. I make my way through to pick up my package and visit the goody tent, we buy a couple shirts, Cory wants to buy me a finishers plaque, I don't want to jinx myself. We do lunch and walk around and head to the hotel. We change and go for a run. It is hot. I am going to die race day. We head back and eat dinner at the hotel and watch the Cubs. They win again! in the 10th! Yay more confidence.
Saturday:
I tossed and turned all night. Maybe 5 hours of sleep. I really needed 7-8. We hit Starbucks and head out with my bike and bags to take to check in and attend the athlete's meeting. I meet up with my friend Tina and just being around her and hearing about the course calms me. I feel better. We get some lunch and head back to the hotel. Cory takes off to bike and I get my aid ready and shower and sit down to rest and watch the Cubs. They lose. Damn. I needed that confidence. We go to a really great Italian restaurant and then head back to try to get an early night.
Sunday:
Pre Race:
I tossed and turned all night. Maybe 1.5 hours of sleep. I feel confident though. I can do this. OMG Is my hip hurting? Is that a sore throat? Time to go but I didn't poop. I head down to set up my aid at my bike and drop off special need bags. I meet up with Tina and her husband to get on the bus to go to the swim start. I kiss Cory goodbye and set out. We get there 2 hours early, There are seriously only THAT few potty's for 2000 plus people and their families. It smells and it is not the potty's. Is that the water that smells? I use the potty and head back to the line. We wait. And wait. It is 40 minutes pre race so I will eat my Honey Stinger Waffle. Pros are taking off. OMG do I have to poop now? No No I don't have time. OMG. Normal people are starting. I tell Tina that I can see the swim start now. We say goodbye to Tina's husband. I feel the dock on my feet. The announcer hugs me and telsl me it will be ok. Tina tells me it is Mike Reilly. I got hugged by Mike Reilly. (Who the hell is Mike Reilly?)
Swim:
I jump off the dock and I swallow a mouthful. I start to panic and the first canoe calls me over. I try to swim and I don't remember how to breathe under water. Panic. I keep trying and I don't know how. Second canoe person makes me come over to his. He tells me I need to wait 3 minutes and calm down. A wave hits and I swallow it. He makes me look at him and tells me to calm down. I am worried about the time. He tells me I need to calm down and I will have plenty of time and that I can do it. I calm down. I tell him I am ok. I take off and remember how to breathe. I swim awhile with no contact with another person. This swim is so spread out. It is awesome. I feel good, really good. Is that the island halfway point. OMG I am halfway?? I see the bridges!! I see the exit. They pull me out and I head to transition.
T1:
I grab my bag and head into the tent. I will do a full change. A volunteer grabs my bag and starts help me organize everything. She helps me change. She is an angel. I am all set. I try to eat a granola bar and get two bites down. I have heartburn. I take two tums. I also take my base salt. Ouch I have such bad heartburn. I hit the potty and head out to get my bike.
Bike:
Clipped in and heading out. Wow my legs feel so bad. Why do they feel so heavy? 2 miles and someone has already got a flat. I yell out asking if she needs anything and she doesn't. That has to be good karma. I won't flat since I asked. Oh shit knock on wood. I have no wood. Please don't flat. I still feel like my legs are heavy. Another person on the side of the road already?? I ask them they are good too super karma action going on here!
Mile 11: ok We should be starting the 2 loops. Why do I feel so tired. I need to keep drinking but my tummy feels like poo. I really can't stomach anymore of those waffles. I will eat all they other stuff first. I am really doing good with the drinking! I will have to pee by the halfway point. I bet my pee is not Miller Lite yet like Nick said I better drink more. What the fuck is with all these hills. I do not remember these in the HIM. What is this monster hill? This was definitely not in the HIM. Wow it is so pretty. Fuck You Hill. Fuck You. It really is pretty.
Mile 23-56: Did I really just see a mile 60 sign? That is just mean. Ok this is getting better. That was a nice downhill after that killer. I can do this. I am still drinking. Heartburn has kind of went away. I will try a honey stinger waffle again. Ok no. That was not good. Another person on the side of the road. I asked again and he said he needed a mechanic. Karma is working for me! Awe these down hills are giving me back my strength and confidence. There is that Chikimakawakawu town! I need to stop at special needs for some pain meds. My back hurts. Got them and a granola bar. Thank you volunteer! Back out. Man it feels nice having all these people cheer. I am smiling now. Yay. Seriously Mile 100 sign? Who does this shit? Ok not smiling anymore I feel tired again. I shouldn't have stopped. Oh wow down hill, major down hill time. I need to break holy craaaaaap. Another person on the side I ask if she is ok she is but needs a mechanic.
Second Loop:
Here we go hello hill time. At least I know what is coming this time.
Miles 58-75ish:
Fuck fuck fuck. Sorry mom but these hills. Oh so this time that mile 60 sign applies! I ask the person next to me if there were this many hills the first time. He agrees hills have grown since 9am. Where the heck are the down hills. Ouch. Cramp in my right foot. That feels like I am being stabbed. Need to adjust. OMG cramp in my left foot now I may need to stop and take off my shoe. I will stop at 80. No 90. I only have 16 miles after 90. Ouch it hurts. Another hill WTF. OMG I have 26 after 90 not 16. I will need to stop at 90. I think after this hill we finally go down hill again. Nope. No we do not another stupid hill has grown. Ouch foot.
75-100:
Ok I think this is the last big hill before down hills. YES. Coast!! Awe my foot is feeling better I will wait to 100. I need to switch out my aid bottles. Oops dropped an empty bottle. Ok another person on the side of the road. Karma karma karma. Wow she was not happy. Not nice to me for asking. That is why she is on the side of the road. I know now we have mostly down hills for the rest of the bike. I have been drinking so much I have to pee! Yay! I am hydrated! I am going to hold it till T2. I can. No stopping for my foot either it feels good. Where is that damn town though that I saw the 100 mile marker we have to be close. There it is! People all over the place still! Smile! HI everyone! 100 mile marker yay! 16 more to go!!
100-116:
Ouch foot ouch. I am definitely waiting till T2 now. Only 10 more miles. That is like an easy day. I see a guy walking his bike. Ask if he is ok and he is pissed. He is cramping. I ask if he wants some salt and he tells me he wants off the fucking bike. Yay me too buddy but I am being nice for karma! Wow, into town is seriously like coming off a mountain! A mountain I climbed at mile 5 when I was hurting but now this mountain is awesome! 5 miles and she is on the side of the road poor girl. I ask if she is ok and she glares at me. Understood girl understood. You should have thought about it earlier and asked people if they were ok though! KARMA! 4 more miles. If this was a regular Ironman I would be off the bike but NO this is a stupid Ironman. 3 more! I could ride like 50 more miles I really could. 2 more. I need off this god damn bike right now. 1 more mile! Wow I just started this ride didn't I?
T2:
Here take it I don't want it back. I will never ride that stupid thing again. For Sale. Really I have to bend down and grab my own bag? But.... Ok got it. I am walking to the tent this time. A lady grabs my bag from me. She starts to help me change and hands me my chips. I love this woman. She is the best friend I don't know. She asks if I want her to tie my shoes. Yes mommy. Wait no I need to do that myself because I know how tight I like them. Ok I need to use the potty and get going. Got my bib and stuff let's go!
Run:
Mile 1:
Hey! I feel damn good! Yay. Hi Cory I love you! I am feeling great! See you in a little bit! Oh shit a hill...
Mile 2-7ish:
Ok. That hill sucked ass. I am good now. It is hot. Water at the aid stations and a drink of coke. and salt. No more salt. No. I will take the chips instead. Is that music? That is not good music. Is that Santa or am I losing it? Nope that is definitely Santa. Funny joke huh? Because I am hot as hell people. Ok. Run now. This isn't so bad. It is pretty flat now. And shady. I will run 2 minutes walk 1 minute until it cools off. Does this bike path ever end. Mile 18 for real these people are just asshats with their teasing. I see the end to this bike path! And the end is a fucking steep hill. Oh hi Cory yep you bet I am walking up this hill!
Mile 8-12:
Ok time to cross the bridge and face Barton! OMG WTF F F F F F F F. Well I guess I am walking for a half mile up this mountain with houses. Is that a beer station? Who would want beer? Oh that guy does. DOWNHILL!!! Yes! I love to run down...NO OUCH why why make it stop. Oh good another up hill walk time. Oh wow that is a pretty house, or is that a country club! Pretty. Fuck another hill. Oh and back to do Barton the other way. I feel like Jack and Jill only the hill never gets to the pail of water. OK. Down hill time. Aid station on a down hill is just BULLSHIT. I am not wasting the down hill. Mile 12!!!! Hi Cory is that a beer? Well you deserve it. He takes a pic of me!
Mile 13-20:
ok round 2! 13 miles to go! I got this. Hell ya! It is cooling down! I am walking up this hill but I am going to run like the whole mile after. I did! I ran a long time. Ok only 4 minutes but wow. Mile 15 back at the north pole. Did he just say we only have 10 miles left. Only. Ok we only have 11 left asshat. Did he just say we only have our warm up left. I may punch Santa man. Only my ass. Ok run this and I am back on the never ending bike path. It is almost getting dark. A guy just told me I have a nice cadence! Thank you man!! Good thing he didn't see me on the bike! What the fuck is that smell. Oh me. Oops. I can run for 4 minutes again. I feel so good. Haha mile 18! This time I freaking love that sign! Is that Miley Cirus? Party in the USA! I am going to have that in my head for the rest of this damn race. Time to try some of that wonderful chicken broth. Yes chicken broth. OMG no. WTF V. That is disgusting. Never again. Spit. Yuck. Back to coke! Mile 20!!! There is my honey! Hi Cory! He won't see me again till the finish line! Love you!!
Mile 21-24:
Up Barton again. It feels better the second time. Someone knows me? Oh Tina! Yay!!! I will run with her till the end! OMG she is power walking. Tina you walk like my dad. There is the beer stand again. Still a big no. Tina and I will stay together and walk the hills and run the rest. OMG her power walking is tiring me. I hope I can keep up. Ok I think that was the last hill before Barton round 4. Nope forgot that one. I am actually happy for hills until I remember she power walks. Ok Barton! We are down hill running! Not stopping again at the down hill aid station.
Mile 25:
Tina tells me she will probably cry. I don't feel much. That's weird. We are going to walk up the bridge and then run the rest of the way in. We meet a guy on the bridge. He congratulates us! He is nice! Run time. I can't believe it less than a mile now! I feel good! Too good! Yay! I tell Tina she will cross the finish line first because she is older. She is worried about it but all I want to do is break 14 hours at this point. She finally lets me let her go first!
Finish Line:
I see the light! I hope it is the Ironman light and not the I am dying light. I feel great! I am not going to cry and that kind of upsets me. Why am I not more emotional? So many people are cheering us in! Wow I see the finish! I can't believe it. Tina takes off! I see Julie! I see Cory!!! Tina is through! Nicole Olmo, you are an Ironman! Tina ,you are an Ironman! Yes we are! And we did great!!!
The End.
Thanks everyone for supporting me and listening to me whine, complain, brag, and just talk about this Ironman!! Without family and friends we couldn't do what we all love!
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
My awful truth of training for 140.6
I woke up today in the middle of the first week of month 6 of my training plan for my Ironman. Wednesday. Brick day. Every Wednesday for the past 5 months has been Brick day. Just like every Monday is my day off, every Tuesday I have a long swim followed by an hour bike, every Thursday I have a long swim followed by an hour bike, Friday I have an hour run with an optionally long swim, Saturday I have my long ride/short run brick, Sunday long run. Ask me when I am 99 years old and I will most likely be able to still tell you this training plan. One of the things I cannot wait for is to wake up on a Tuesday and bike! Or say FUCK IT and not work out at all. That sounds so good. Pizza does too. I just ate too but that means nothing. Pizza. Yum.
So I was reading on this Women's Tri Facebook page and I saw a woman post about doing her 103rd Ironman. Say what? 103? What? NO. This lady is certainly insane. I mean I am trying to do math here, so if she is 60 and she started at 30, that is 103/30...3.43 a year. Yah screw that. I am doing 1. 1 and done. She must love herself. Or hate herself. Or love pizza. Because right now I am having both feelings about myself throughout any given day.
16 hours I am up a day. 14 of them I am thinking about the Ironman. The other 2 I am shoving my face with food and still most likely thinking about it. Everything I do is Ironman. I am so sick of the word I could scream. Most people can't wait to cross the finish line and here, "You, You are an Ironman." I can't wait to cross the finish line and kiss this part of my life goodbye. Part of me is obviously joking, but mostly I am not. You know at mile 20 of a marathon you swear to god you will never do another and then you cross the finish line and can't wait till your next one. Yah no. No way. I am so over this. I want to enjoy life again. This to me is not fun. For those of you that do multiple and enjoy it, well, you guys are freaking amazing. I have had moments where I hate my bike, my shoes, the wind, every single asshole that passes me, and mostly I hate myself. Yes myself. When I cry myself to sleep at night because I just can't even think about getting up for the fifth weekend in a row and biking over 80 miles and following it up with a marathon long run the next day, well I just hate myself for thinking I could do this.
This is real. This is me. I don't want any comments on how I am almost there and how I will enjoy the day. I may, I may not. All too often I read race reports and training reports and people tell you how much they grew, how much they loved training, loved the race. I am being 100% honest here in saying that most days I truly hate myself and hate that I am doing this. I hate the self doubt I have because I am still not sure if I can finish. It won't be till I cross that line either that I know I could. 4 months ago I had more confidence than I do now. I am tired, I am hungry, I want a date night with my husband, I want a night out getting drunk with my friends and not worrying about a workout the next day. I want to not be in my head overthinking everything, telling myself I can't do it, imagining injuries that aren't there, and feeling so exhausted I am terrified I will be sick for my next long workout.
I won't lie. This has been life changing for me. Just not all in a good way. Training is hard. Mentally and physically. I know some people do not do the training and still finish. What I will tell you is, especially over the past 3 weeks, the amount of hours I have put in while training has to be harder than the race. I know the race will be really fucking hard I know that so please, Ironman, do not misread me here. I am just saying training is a lot of the work in earning the title here. There have been days that I want to say NO. NO more. I wanted to Tuesday. I was so damn tired and felt so weak from the weekend but I got there and did my swim. I had to cut it a little short for safety reasons but I went and tried, and I ran my entire run after completely exhausted. If for some reason I do not finish, and it will have to take something major for me to not finish, they will have to drag me off the course, I will be more proud of myself than I have ever been. For so many reasons.
I am strong right now. I am not the fastest I have been. Hell no my running is so slow. But I can last. I can bike for 6-7 hours and turn around and run and feel ok. I can run the next day for 2-3 hours and feel ok. The biggest part is I know once I start I can do the training. I may freak out but once I am out there my body just does it. Some nights I lay in bed and have panic attacks but once I am out there I can do it. When I used to give up, now I go longer. What used to be my long days now are my short days.
I have gotten to know myself. 6 hours alone in the country, well you get into your own head pretty well. I know my strengthens and I know my weaknesses. I know what I am afraid of. I know what I want out of life. I have spent so many hours alone and had so much time to just think. I quit my job and I have not once regretted it. I worked for 3 years unhappy and for once I am not stressed about work, worried how other people are going to effect me. I am excited about the possibilities that are ahead. I am nervous about them, but I know no matter what it will be better.
I know that Cory and I can last through about anything. I know he is my rock when I am at my lowest. When I have told him I am giving up, that I am done he has brought me back and helped me through a sleepless night. When all the stress from work and all the stress from training was at it's worst and I couldn't handle it and we had night after night of fighting and misery, he was able to bring me back from almost giving up. I have had many people joke about Ironman breaking up marriages and it is no joke. It is hard. He is such a strong support for me. This isn't his dream. But he is letting me have my dream and giving up a lot of his own wants for it.
So this is not a completely bad blog. Parts of this have been great. The fact that I feel stronger and I know myself and I can eat an entire pizza by myself are all great. But I won't lie and sugarcoat it. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done and maybe I am not made for this. I will make it, I want it too bad to not and I have put my freaking ALL into this year that I am too stubborn to fail. So I will hear them say Nicole, You are an Ironman. Then I will walk away a better person and eat an entire pizza and drink 6 beers. And do I absolutely know I won't do this again? Well no. My training partner Aldo may one day say he is doing one and I may have a brain lapse and decide to do another because I am just stupid. But this has not been fun and games. This has been tough shit. It is almost there. Thank gosh. I thank all the people who have put there time training with me, or just listening to be vent,cry, complain, etc. It has helped me more than you will ever know. Sept 24 can not come and go fast enough! I am sure that day will be a day I will never forget!
So I was reading on this Women's Tri Facebook page and I saw a woman post about doing her 103rd Ironman. Say what? 103? What? NO. This lady is certainly insane. I mean I am trying to do math here, so if she is 60 and she started at 30, that is 103/30...3.43 a year. Yah screw that. I am doing 1. 1 and done. She must love herself. Or hate herself. Or love pizza. Because right now I am having both feelings about myself throughout any given day.
16 hours I am up a day. 14 of them I am thinking about the Ironman. The other 2 I am shoving my face with food and still most likely thinking about it. Everything I do is Ironman. I am so sick of the word I could scream. Most people can't wait to cross the finish line and here, "You, You are an Ironman." I can't wait to cross the finish line and kiss this part of my life goodbye. Part of me is obviously joking, but mostly I am not. You know at mile 20 of a marathon you swear to god you will never do another and then you cross the finish line and can't wait till your next one. Yah no. No way. I am so over this. I want to enjoy life again. This to me is not fun. For those of you that do multiple and enjoy it, well, you guys are freaking amazing. I have had moments where I hate my bike, my shoes, the wind, every single asshole that passes me, and mostly I hate myself. Yes myself. When I cry myself to sleep at night because I just can't even think about getting up for the fifth weekend in a row and biking over 80 miles and following it up with a marathon long run the next day, well I just hate myself for thinking I could do this.
This is real. This is me. I don't want any comments on how I am almost there and how I will enjoy the day. I may, I may not. All too often I read race reports and training reports and people tell you how much they grew, how much they loved training, loved the race. I am being 100% honest here in saying that most days I truly hate myself and hate that I am doing this. I hate the self doubt I have because I am still not sure if I can finish. It won't be till I cross that line either that I know I could. 4 months ago I had more confidence than I do now. I am tired, I am hungry, I want a date night with my husband, I want a night out getting drunk with my friends and not worrying about a workout the next day. I want to not be in my head overthinking everything, telling myself I can't do it, imagining injuries that aren't there, and feeling so exhausted I am terrified I will be sick for my next long workout.
I won't lie. This has been life changing for me. Just not all in a good way. Training is hard. Mentally and physically. I know some people do not do the training and still finish. What I will tell you is, especially over the past 3 weeks, the amount of hours I have put in while training has to be harder than the race. I know the race will be really fucking hard I know that so please, Ironman, do not misread me here. I am just saying training is a lot of the work in earning the title here. There have been days that I want to say NO. NO more. I wanted to Tuesday. I was so damn tired and felt so weak from the weekend but I got there and did my swim. I had to cut it a little short for safety reasons but I went and tried, and I ran my entire run after completely exhausted. If for some reason I do not finish, and it will have to take something major for me to not finish, they will have to drag me off the course, I will be more proud of myself than I have ever been. For so many reasons.
I am strong right now. I am not the fastest I have been. Hell no my running is so slow. But I can last. I can bike for 6-7 hours and turn around and run and feel ok. I can run the next day for 2-3 hours and feel ok. The biggest part is I know once I start I can do the training. I may freak out but once I am out there my body just does it. Some nights I lay in bed and have panic attacks but once I am out there I can do it. When I used to give up, now I go longer. What used to be my long days now are my short days.
I have gotten to know myself. 6 hours alone in the country, well you get into your own head pretty well. I know my strengthens and I know my weaknesses. I know what I am afraid of. I know what I want out of life. I have spent so many hours alone and had so much time to just think. I quit my job and I have not once regretted it. I worked for 3 years unhappy and for once I am not stressed about work, worried how other people are going to effect me. I am excited about the possibilities that are ahead. I am nervous about them, but I know no matter what it will be better.
I know that Cory and I can last through about anything. I know he is my rock when I am at my lowest. When I have told him I am giving up, that I am done he has brought me back and helped me through a sleepless night. When all the stress from work and all the stress from training was at it's worst and I couldn't handle it and we had night after night of fighting and misery, he was able to bring me back from almost giving up. I have had many people joke about Ironman breaking up marriages and it is no joke. It is hard. He is such a strong support for me. This isn't his dream. But he is letting me have my dream and giving up a lot of his own wants for it.
So this is not a completely bad blog. Parts of this have been great. The fact that I feel stronger and I know myself and I can eat an entire pizza by myself are all great. But I won't lie and sugarcoat it. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done and maybe I am not made for this. I will make it, I want it too bad to not and I have put my freaking ALL into this year that I am too stubborn to fail. So I will hear them say Nicole, You are an Ironman. Then I will walk away a better person and eat an entire pizza and drink 6 beers. And do I absolutely know I won't do this again? Well no. My training partner Aldo may one day say he is doing one and I may have a brain lapse and decide to do another because I am just stupid. But this has not been fun and games. This has been tough shit. It is almost there. Thank gosh. I thank all the people who have put there time training with me, or just listening to be vent,cry, complain, etc. It has helped me more than you will ever know. Sept 24 can not come and go fast enough! I am sure that day will be a day I will never forget!
Monday, July 17, 2017
Week 21....short and sweet like Ironman training....is not.
Last year I biked 80 miles for the first time. I remember I was a mix of emotions. Exhausted, proud, depressed. This past weekend I rode 122 for the first time and all I could think was how far I have come from last year. When I started out that ride last year I wasn't sure I would make 80. This year I was almost positive unless something went wrong with my bike, I would make my goal. One major change from last year in me, confidence.
I just started week 21 of my training program. Week 21 of 30. For those of you that have trained for a marathon you know most training plans for marathons are 16 weeks. The fact I have made it this far is enough to make me proud. I will cross that finish line! I have that confidence now. I didn't know that a month ago. And tomorrow I may think I can't do it. It has been a ride...and swim and run haha. I have questioned almost every day if I have enough to do this. At the beginning of this training most days I didn't think I did. But lately I have been thinking I have it. Maybe I am just too tired to worry, too tired to debate it in my head. But the more miles I put in the more I get to know myself, the more confident I get.
It is funny what swimming 2 miles a few times a week, biking hours after hours a week, or running on tired legs, all alone, will do for a person. Each week when I begin to think I can't do the next workout because I am exhausted I start it and realize I can do it. This Sunday I was pretty tired after my long bike. I laid in bed extra late debating if I had my long run in me. I started later than normal and it was hot, I was tired, I had to walk a little more than usual. But guess what, I got it done. It wasn't fast but it was confidence building and I think when you are training for an Ironman or Marathon that is one of the most important things. It is amazing what your body can do when you quit telling your mind you can't do it.
At the beginning of this journey Cory and I made a deal. This would be the year of my Ironman, and next year I wouldn't sign up for any major race so we could travel and enjoy summer without me worrying about training. Cory has been amazing, Even when I am exhausted, crying, yelling at him telling him he isn't there for me enough and I need more, and that I should just drop this goal he lets me get it out. This past weekend he put me first, like many, and did all the stuff around the house and ran all the errands on Saturday then took me out to dinner for me to just come right home and fall asleep. Then he worked all day Sunday and took me out for ice cream that night. He is letting me have this year and I could not do it without him.
I have missed out on going out with friends, I am having problems juggling my schedule with family related activities, work, and a tough training schedule. One of my friends has asked me several times to do things and every single time I have had a long workout. I know she is hurt, but this is me right now. I knew this from the start. I joke about how I am glad the Cubs won the WS last year because I can't stay up late to watch all the games and come September I will be too busy to watch most of them. I wanted to go to a real game, I wanted to go on a brewery tour, I wanted to go somewhere and hike....I just don't have the time this year.
So training long hours, not seeing friends and family, missing out on fun summer activities with my husband, being exhausted 99% of the time....well no one said training for an Ironman would be easy! I also never expected it to be. Popular quote, "If it was easy, everyone would do it." This week I get a small break because I planned around my family reunion. I am so excited for a whole Saturday off of working out. That does mean more working out longer hours on the other days but to have a whole Saturday off right now seems like a gift! After this weekend it is just crazy until taper time.
It will be here before I know it and then it will be done and will I miss it? I don't think I will. Right now I am thinking this will be a one and done. Could I change my mind, absolutely. At this point though it is a lot. It takes a lot of hours, a lot of dedication, a lot of sacrifice. It is completely time consuming. Many other Ironman say I will change my mind, maybe it is easier for them, I am not sure how it can be haha, especially some of my elite friends who train even harder than I do.
One thing I have been struggling with is people's view of what is an Ironman. I have heard people say if you don't get a certain time, like under 14 hours, or if you don't do a certain number of them, or if the swim gets cancelled that you aren't a true Ironman. I say fuck that. I say those people are mean. I have put some many hours into becoming strong enough to even sign up, to even step foot on the start line. If I finish under 16 hours 15 minutes and never do another tri event again in my life you know what, I am an Ironman. This has already been the most daunting thing I have ever done in my entire life and I feel anyone who does this deserves that title if they finish in the allowed time.
So week 21! I am in the 3rd stage! It is freaking real! 9 weeks. A little over 2 months. HOLY CRAP!!! What am I doing? What have I done? I can't wait for this crap to be done!! Look at this my only day off training during the week and I am wasting time talking about training!!
One last thing, through the tears, stress, sore muscles, lost time, hurt feelings, anxiety, and everything else I have never been more proud and impressed with myself. I feel in shape, I feel good, I feel like I can eat the entire fridge and be ok with it!! Tonight I am going to watch the Cubs, drink a beer, have a conversation with my husband, play Frisbee with Remy (inside it is too hot out.) Tomorrow I am going to get back up and continue to kick this Ironman training's ass and grow my confidence day by day. Who knows, maybe by the end of this training I will have finally figured out the question of who I want to be when I grow up :)- 144.6, here I come!! do I get extra points for going 4 miles longer?!?
I just started week 21 of my training program. Week 21 of 30. For those of you that have trained for a marathon you know most training plans for marathons are 16 weeks. The fact I have made it this far is enough to make me proud. I will cross that finish line! I have that confidence now. I didn't know that a month ago. And tomorrow I may think I can't do it. It has been a ride...and swim and run haha. I have questioned almost every day if I have enough to do this. At the beginning of this training most days I didn't think I did. But lately I have been thinking I have it. Maybe I am just too tired to worry, too tired to debate it in my head. But the more miles I put in the more I get to know myself, the more confident I get.
It is funny what swimming 2 miles a few times a week, biking hours after hours a week, or running on tired legs, all alone, will do for a person. Each week when I begin to think I can't do the next workout because I am exhausted I start it and realize I can do it. This Sunday I was pretty tired after my long bike. I laid in bed extra late debating if I had my long run in me. I started later than normal and it was hot, I was tired, I had to walk a little more than usual. But guess what, I got it done. It wasn't fast but it was confidence building and I think when you are training for an Ironman or Marathon that is one of the most important things. It is amazing what your body can do when you quit telling your mind you can't do it.
At the beginning of this journey Cory and I made a deal. This would be the year of my Ironman, and next year I wouldn't sign up for any major race so we could travel and enjoy summer without me worrying about training. Cory has been amazing, Even when I am exhausted, crying, yelling at him telling him he isn't there for me enough and I need more, and that I should just drop this goal he lets me get it out. This past weekend he put me first, like many, and did all the stuff around the house and ran all the errands on Saturday then took me out to dinner for me to just come right home and fall asleep. Then he worked all day Sunday and took me out for ice cream that night. He is letting me have this year and I could not do it without him.
I have missed out on going out with friends, I am having problems juggling my schedule with family related activities, work, and a tough training schedule. One of my friends has asked me several times to do things and every single time I have had a long workout. I know she is hurt, but this is me right now. I knew this from the start. I joke about how I am glad the Cubs won the WS last year because I can't stay up late to watch all the games and come September I will be too busy to watch most of them. I wanted to go to a real game, I wanted to go on a brewery tour, I wanted to go somewhere and hike....I just don't have the time this year.
So training long hours, not seeing friends and family, missing out on fun summer activities with my husband, being exhausted 99% of the time....well no one said training for an Ironman would be easy! I also never expected it to be. Popular quote, "If it was easy, everyone would do it." This week I get a small break because I planned around my family reunion. I am so excited for a whole Saturday off of working out. That does mean more working out longer hours on the other days but to have a whole Saturday off right now seems like a gift! After this weekend it is just crazy until taper time.
It will be here before I know it and then it will be done and will I miss it? I don't think I will. Right now I am thinking this will be a one and done. Could I change my mind, absolutely. At this point though it is a lot. It takes a lot of hours, a lot of dedication, a lot of sacrifice. It is completely time consuming. Many other Ironman say I will change my mind, maybe it is easier for them, I am not sure how it can be haha, especially some of my elite friends who train even harder than I do.
One thing I have been struggling with is people's view of what is an Ironman. I have heard people say if you don't get a certain time, like under 14 hours, or if you don't do a certain number of them, or if the swim gets cancelled that you aren't a true Ironman. I say fuck that. I say those people are mean. I have put some many hours into becoming strong enough to even sign up, to even step foot on the start line. If I finish under 16 hours 15 minutes and never do another tri event again in my life you know what, I am an Ironman. This has already been the most daunting thing I have ever done in my entire life and I feel anyone who does this deserves that title if they finish in the allowed time.
So week 21! I am in the 3rd stage! It is freaking real! 9 weeks. A little over 2 months. HOLY CRAP!!! What am I doing? What have I done? I can't wait for this crap to be done!! Look at this my only day off training during the week and I am wasting time talking about training!!
One last thing, through the tears, stress, sore muscles, lost time, hurt feelings, anxiety, and everything else I have never been more proud and impressed with myself. I feel in shape, I feel good, I feel like I can eat the entire fridge and be ok with it!! Tonight I am going to watch the Cubs, drink a beer, have a conversation with my husband, play Frisbee with Remy (inside it is too hot out.) Tomorrow I am going to get back up and continue to kick this Ironman training's ass and grow my confidence day by day. Who knows, maybe by the end of this training I will have finally figured out the question of who I want to be when I grow up :)- 144.6, here I come!! do I get extra points for going 4 miles longer?!?
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
What Inspires You?
In case you didn't know, like you live under a rock or don't own a TV, this is Olympic week. In case you didn't know, most likely you aren't my Facebook friend or you have me on ignore and shouldn't be reading this, this is my half Ironman week too! Most of my friends are racing various other ultra distance races this weekend or in their core training weeks for their upcoming marathons. So watching the Olympics is bound to get us all pumped and ready! Isn't it something to see these athletes work so hard to accomplish their goals?
Last night while watching Phelps take on his 20th medal, I couldn't help but tear up with him. I mean 20 and he still stands there barely holding it in. What happened to you when you finally accomplished the hardest thing you have done? How did you react? How did you feel? What inspired you to train, work hard, and finish something you never thought you would do?
A few years back I had a couple friends finish their IM. I remember following them during their training. On race day I was glued to my computer waiting for updates. When they finished I cried and Cory was like, WTF Niki? Sometimes it is hard to explain, you just are so happy for them and can relate to the feeling. The feeling of knowing you just did something you have never done before and you will remember that feeling forever. You put your body through a lot and put in so many hours and you accomplish it.
So what inspired you to do it? Not everyone just wakes up and says, "hey I think I will do an Ironman this year!" I mean, unless you are Valeria that is usually not something you just decide after a mini tri! But this is Valeria we are talking about and she isn't just someone!
What made me decide to go after a half Ironman was the need to do something more. I had done a marathon and Olympic distance tri and I was hungry for another goal. When I came around to deciding to go after the full IM I think I was drunk. Haha jk. In all honesty, it scares me. It scares me admitting I am going to do it, it will scare me signing up, and it will scare me training. If I can accomplish it, and I say if because I am not sure I can, it will mean so much to me. This is the first time I have went out to do something that I am not 100% sure I can actually finish. I guess that is what inspired me to sign up. I am doing something that scares the shit out of me and that is living to me.
So I was talking to my coworker today about why people workout. We got on the topic because we were talking about where we go for a release. What makes us happy and relaxed, what gives us energy. I said running or working out. She mentioned that she works out 5 times a week and she is more tired and grouchy after. I told her I think our problem is we do not see working out as a means for release or to make us happy. We exercise to race, to lose weight, to be social, as so many do. It is hard to concentrate on the emotional benefits exercise can give you when you are focused on training and losing weight. I mean everyone does it for different reasons. I know some of my best training days are the ones when I have no goal but to just go out and do an easy run or a social bike ride with Cory. There is no pressure, no clock, no goals. Afterwards I feel happy because there was no goal other than to just have fun doing it.
So back to what inspires us, I got off track sort of....
Last night I was watching the Olympics and the announcer mentioned, in regards to the USA gymnasts, that they will be the ones that young girls want to be. Young girls will want to do what they do and be them when they grow up. I think it is great to have athletes like Olympians to be inspired by. I hope if I ever have children that they look up to an athlete like Michael Phelps, Gabby Douglas, Meb, and the many other athletes out there.
On the radio today they mentioned how these athletes are super humans. How they would like to have an average athlete out there in each event so we can see how good these people really are. To see a normal athlete in comparison to the greats! They train hard and they live for this. They are inspirational! Good for them, I only hope I can work that hard. They are inspiring and I can say it has definitely been a benefit having the Olympics the week of my half! I am pumped, so much so I can't sleep at night, I am ready to race!
But when I am struggling in the race, when I want to quit, when I am tired and just want to say F it, will I think of Phelps and get a boost? Will I think of how he pushed it past not only Le Cros but the other two athletes that were just as talented and worked just as hard but just not hard enough - you know, a second less hard haha? No, I probably won't think of any Olympian.
You see, Olympians work their asses off and I will never underestimate their talent and dedication. But they go there, they work hard, they are recognized, and their hard work is rewarded.
Think about the "Olympians" in our life. The ones who face battles daily in their life, the ones who fight just as hard and keep getting back up after being knock back down. It may not be a sprained ankle, it may not be a stress fracture, it may not be a.05 second difference between gold and silver. Because they won't be recognized, they won't stand on a podium and hear their country's anthem. They won't take home a gold medal for the battle they just fought, the accomplishment they just made, the fight they just made for their life. Those are the people that when I am feeling sorry for myself, when I am thinking I can't push harder, when I want to quit and think I have it bad, those are the people I remember. I get inspired by them! They will help me push harder and want more out of what I am doing. Because I know their battles are so much worse than my goals and if they can do it than I can surely finish my goal!
So what inspires you? I think anything that inspires anyone to just go after a goal should be recognized! Even if it is a goal to run a mile and a piece of pizza is what inspires you to push it, well, it got you out there! Go Pizza! We all do it for some reason! I think those reasons are important!
#ironmansteelhead70.3
#myheroisbatman
#runningformurelle
Last night while watching Phelps take on his 20th medal, I couldn't help but tear up with him. I mean 20 and he still stands there barely holding it in. What happened to you when you finally accomplished the hardest thing you have done? How did you react? How did you feel? What inspired you to train, work hard, and finish something you never thought you would do?
A few years back I had a couple friends finish their IM. I remember following them during their training. On race day I was glued to my computer waiting for updates. When they finished I cried and Cory was like, WTF Niki? Sometimes it is hard to explain, you just are so happy for them and can relate to the feeling. The feeling of knowing you just did something you have never done before and you will remember that feeling forever. You put your body through a lot and put in so many hours and you accomplish it.
So what inspired you to do it? Not everyone just wakes up and says, "hey I think I will do an Ironman this year!" I mean, unless you are Valeria that is usually not something you just decide after a mini tri! But this is Valeria we are talking about and she isn't just someone!
What made me decide to go after a half Ironman was the need to do something more. I had done a marathon and Olympic distance tri and I was hungry for another goal. When I came around to deciding to go after the full IM I think I was drunk. Haha jk. In all honesty, it scares me. It scares me admitting I am going to do it, it will scare me signing up, and it will scare me training. If I can accomplish it, and I say if because I am not sure I can, it will mean so much to me. This is the first time I have went out to do something that I am not 100% sure I can actually finish. I guess that is what inspired me to sign up. I am doing something that scares the shit out of me and that is living to me.
So I was talking to my coworker today about why people workout. We got on the topic because we were talking about where we go for a release. What makes us happy and relaxed, what gives us energy. I said running or working out. She mentioned that she works out 5 times a week and she is more tired and grouchy after. I told her I think our problem is we do not see working out as a means for release or to make us happy. We exercise to race, to lose weight, to be social, as so many do. It is hard to concentrate on the emotional benefits exercise can give you when you are focused on training and losing weight. I mean everyone does it for different reasons. I know some of my best training days are the ones when I have no goal but to just go out and do an easy run or a social bike ride with Cory. There is no pressure, no clock, no goals. Afterwards I feel happy because there was no goal other than to just have fun doing it.
So back to what inspires us, I got off track sort of....
Last night I was watching the Olympics and the announcer mentioned, in regards to the USA gymnasts, that they will be the ones that young girls want to be. Young girls will want to do what they do and be them when they grow up. I think it is great to have athletes like Olympians to be inspired by. I hope if I ever have children that they look up to an athlete like Michael Phelps, Gabby Douglas, Meb, and the many other athletes out there.
On the radio today they mentioned how these athletes are super humans. How they would like to have an average athlete out there in each event so we can see how good these people really are. To see a normal athlete in comparison to the greats! They train hard and they live for this. They are inspirational! Good for them, I only hope I can work that hard. They are inspiring and I can say it has definitely been a benefit having the Olympics the week of my half! I am pumped, so much so I can't sleep at night, I am ready to race!
But when I am struggling in the race, when I want to quit, when I am tired and just want to say F it, will I think of Phelps and get a boost? Will I think of how he pushed it past not only Le Cros but the other two athletes that were just as talented and worked just as hard but just not hard enough - you know, a second less hard haha? No, I probably won't think of any Olympian.
You see, Olympians work their asses off and I will never underestimate their talent and dedication. But they go there, they work hard, they are recognized, and their hard work is rewarded.
Think about the "Olympians" in our life. The ones who face battles daily in their life, the ones who fight just as hard and keep getting back up after being knock back down. It may not be a sprained ankle, it may not be a stress fracture, it may not be a.05 second difference between gold and silver. Because they won't be recognized, they won't stand on a podium and hear their country's anthem. They won't take home a gold medal for the battle they just fought, the accomplishment they just made, the fight they just made for their life. Those are the people that when I am feeling sorry for myself, when I am thinking I can't push harder, when I want to quit and think I have it bad, those are the people I remember. I get inspired by them! They will help me push harder and want more out of what I am doing. Because I know their battles are so much worse than my goals and if they can do it than I can surely finish my goal!
So what inspires you? I think anything that inspires anyone to just go after a goal should be recognized! Even if it is a goal to run a mile and a piece of pizza is what inspires you to push it, well, it got you out there! Go Pizza! We all do it for some reason! I think those reasons are important!
#ironmansteelhead70.3
#myheroisbatman
#runningformurelle
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
in the end, the turtle does win...
It does humor me that I am writing this exactly one year after finishing my first half ironman. 6:54:45 was my time. I was starting the swim 13 minutes from now. I did not care about time, how I would finish, how fast I would go. All I cared was that I would finish. I guess things have changed a little for me this year.
This past weekend I did a 6 hour bike ride. For those of you that have done Howl, this is sort of a biker's Howl. You could do 6 or 12 hours. Let me say this right now, the thought of 12 hours on a bike to me is pure hell. Who would ever want to sit on a bike for 12 freaking hours. My butt hurts just thinking about it. My butt still hurts from the 6 hour. Anyway, you get a number and call it out when you pass through the loops. That is basically it! You follow the 25 mile course, don't cheat, and you pull up a cooler with your aid for when you need to refuel or rest. FUN!
So when the 6 hour group took off, I started and within a minute I swear I was a half mile behind everyone. I am not lying. My first loop of 25 miles was the fastest I have ever gone for 25. Smart! I mean, I only had 4.5 more hours of this! Great plan Niki. Needless to say the rest of the race was not so fun for me. I hurt....everywhere. I was a tad sick to my stomach from pushing it and after 50 the thought of 80 miles was just sad. I wanted to quit at 50 and I may have. It would have been a good days work seeing as it was my fastest 50 to date. But my goal was 80 and I went for it and got it. The last 5 miles were out of pure determination and I hated every freaking pedal of it. I may have even cussed going up a hill.
The thing is.....I was one of the lowest mileage riders that day and I busted my ass. I worked harder than I had in any race except the half ironman. I think I would have felt this was harder than the half if the day of the half would not have been so hot and I was hydrated and fueled properly.
So my point....which I always have when I rant. People flew by me on this bike course. A few made jokes about me latching on and I laughed and told them good job. When they were far enough away I called them asshats and wished they swallowed a fly or got a flat. Classy I know. I remember when I was at my best running and we would take off and I was a front of the pack runner in these smaller races the feeling I had knowing I was pretty good. Well now I know how the back people feel. One thing I want to say is, we all go the same distance and we all work just as hard to get there. As a matter of fact, I feel I worked harder when I was in the back.
There are talented people that work hard to do as well as they do and then there are talented people who do not put forth any effort and just do well. It pisses me off. I am not talented, but I am working my ass off to do the same distance and work as everyone else doing the race and if it takes me 2 hours longer than guess what that adds up to, I just did 2 hours more work than the person more talented than I am.
I have never had much come easy. Even in school I had to study and practiced to get good grades. I never picked up the trumpet and played like some jazz musician. But when I had a crush on the lead trumpet player in 8th grade and I wanted to impress him I practiced my ass off and I got the lead solo. So there. I worked for it. I have always worked hard to achieve my goals and in the end, I am proud when I get them! So much prouder than if I slacked off and just barely made it through.
So lately I have been comparing myself to people. I am a very competitive person and when people tell me stuff like you shouldn't compare, or don't worry about other people, well, it is hard for me. My hip has made me step back and the clock is ticking down and I am watching my friends finish their races in awesome times and I am starting to worry. I could make up a hundred excuses as to why I may not be as good but at the end of the race it all just comes down to I am not as good or I am not as talented. I just need to remember I pushed through. I stood there Saturday after I finished my longest distance race ever looking around for someone to tell it to, someone to share it with. I knew no one. And how do you brag to someone who just did 20, 50, 100 more miles than you did. My friends were all out at the beer festival, my parents were at a class reunion, Cory did not pick up his phone, and the only people I kind of knew there had other people they knew better to celebrate with. I stood there and wanted to break down but I didn't. I waited till later. I was an emotional wreck that I had just done that and couldn't even bask in it. I did share with a few friends over text and they were proud of me, but I am use to having a group and it wasn't the same.
Anyway next time I see that saying, "A 6 minute mile is still the same distance as a 12 minute mile", I will see it differently. I mean, I think we can all say that a 3 hour marathoner is great, but it takes determination to stay out there for 6 hours and finish and you still went the same distance. It is still the same race. Even a person running a 5k for the first time is still fighting the same battle as a seasoned runner running a new longer distance.
So when the fast guys passed me this weekend and I wished the flat I didn't actually hope to see one of them on the road up ahead later with a flat, but I did. I passed by and asked him if he needed help and you know what he did, he laughed at me! LAUGHED! Well buddy I may be slow but guess what, my stubborn ass can change a tire! I know that because even with blood running down both my hands I changed one and wouldn't let Cory help. So next time you judge a slower athlete, well next time just don't. They are working just as hard as you and maybe even harder.
This past weekend I did a 6 hour bike ride. For those of you that have done Howl, this is sort of a biker's Howl. You could do 6 or 12 hours. Let me say this right now, the thought of 12 hours on a bike to me is pure hell. Who would ever want to sit on a bike for 12 freaking hours. My butt hurts just thinking about it. My butt still hurts from the 6 hour. Anyway, you get a number and call it out when you pass through the loops. That is basically it! You follow the 25 mile course, don't cheat, and you pull up a cooler with your aid for when you need to refuel or rest. FUN!
So when the 6 hour group took off, I started and within a minute I swear I was a half mile behind everyone. I am not lying. My first loop of 25 miles was the fastest I have ever gone for 25. Smart! I mean, I only had 4.5 more hours of this! Great plan Niki. Needless to say the rest of the race was not so fun for me. I hurt....everywhere. I was a tad sick to my stomach from pushing it and after 50 the thought of 80 miles was just sad. I wanted to quit at 50 and I may have. It would have been a good days work seeing as it was my fastest 50 to date. But my goal was 80 and I went for it and got it. The last 5 miles were out of pure determination and I hated every freaking pedal of it. I may have even cussed going up a hill.
The thing is.....I was one of the lowest mileage riders that day and I busted my ass. I worked harder than I had in any race except the half ironman. I think I would have felt this was harder than the half if the day of the half would not have been so hot and I was hydrated and fueled properly.
So my point....which I always have when I rant. People flew by me on this bike course. A few made jokes about me latching on and I laughed and told them good job. When they were far enough away I called them asshats and wished they swallowed a fly or got a flat. Classy I know. I remember when I was at my best running and we would take off and I was a front of the pack runner in these smaller races the feeling I had knowing I was pretty good. Well now I know how the back people feel. One thing I want to say is, we all go the same distance and we all work just as hard to get there. As a matter of fact, I feel I worked harder when I was in the back.
There are talented people that work hard to do as well as they do and then there are talented people who do not put forth any effort and just do well. It pisses me off. I am not talented, but I am working my ass off to do the same distance and work as everyone else doing the race and if it takes me 2 hours longer than guess what that adds up to, I just did 2 hours more work than the person more talented than I am.
I have never had much come easy. Even in school I had to study and practiced to get good grades. I never picked up the trumpet and played like some jazz musician. But when I had a crush on the lead trumpet player in 8th grade and I wanted to impress him I practiced my ass off and I got the lead solo. So there. I worked for it. I have always worked hard to achieve my goals and in the end, I am proud when I get them! So much prouder than if I slacked off and just barely made it through.
So lately I have been comparing myself to people. I am a very competitive person and when people tell me stuff like you shouldn't compare, or don't worry about other people, well, it is hard for me. My hip has made me step back and the clock is ticking down and I am watching my friends finish their races in awesome times and I am starting to worry. I could make up a hundred excuses as to why I may not be as good but at the end of the race it all just comes down to I am not as good or I am not as talented. I just need to remember I pushed through. I stood there Saturday after I finished my longest distance race ever looking around for someone to tell it to, someone to share it with. I knew no one. And how do you brag to someone who just did 20, 50, 100 more miles than you did. My friends were all out at the beer festival, my parents were at a class reunion, Cory did not pick up his phone, and the only people I kind of knew there had other people they knew better to celebrate with. I stood there and wanted to break down but I didn't. I waited till later. I was an emotional wreck that I had just done that and couldn't even bask in it. I did share with a few friends over text and they were proud of me, but I am use to having a group and it wasn't the same.
Anyway next time I see that saying, "A 6 minute mile is still the same distance as a 12 minute mile", I will see it differently. I mean, I think we can all say that a 3 hour marathoner is great, but it takes determination to stay out there for 6 hours and finish and you still went the same distance. It is still the same race. Even a person running a 5k for the first time is still fighting the same battle as a seasoned runner running a new longer distance.
So when the fast guys passed me this weekend and I wished the flat I didn't actually hope to see one of them on the road up ahead later with a flat, but I did. I passed by and asked him if he needed help and you know what he did, he laughed at me! LAUGHED! Well buddy I may be slow but guess what, my stubborn ass can change a tire! I know that because even with blood running down both my hands I changed one and wouldn't let Cory help. So next time you judge a slower athlete, well next time just don't. They are working just as hard as you and maybe even harder.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
It can happen too fast, or a little too late, timing is everything....
Screw Time...
We all need like 30/7 right....or maybe another day in the week would be nice. I would take just one more hour a day if I could.
But I can't so I make it happen like everyone else. Some days I am exhausted, some days I barely get to see Cory, but in the end I usually get done what I need done, and if I don't, well....tomorrow.
I trained for my first marathon while working two jobs, going to college full time, and helping to build a house. I was busy. I was cranky. I had a great boyfriend who put up with my crazy schedule and many hours of bitching and complaining. I made it work because I wanted it. I wanted the marathon but I also wanted to graduate, and I needed money. The house, well that was Cory's dream and he let me be part of it. Now it is my dream.
Lately I find there just isn't enough time. I am working, working out, cleaning. The last two weekends I have been up earlier on Saturday and Sunday than I get up for work during the week. Work is almost like a relief from the weekend. I complain to Cory about being tired and as much as he understands, he still reminds me that it is my doing. It is. I do what I do because I have goals. My goals are my dreams. In order to enjoy life I will always have a goal. I cannot imagine living one day of my life without doing it working towards something that will make me a better person or make me feel like I have accomplished something. I live to love and to dream big and go after it.
So yah, the past two weekends come Monday morning I have been exhausted. It is that proud exhausted though. Memorial Day weekend I rode 75 miles and ran 14 miles. I was proud but I was tired. This past weekend I ran 13 and rode 40 with a day less than Memorial Day weekend, once again Monday was exhausting but I had a smile! When my friends finished their 20 miler in my office Tuesday morning everyone but me questioned why the hell they would do it....I understood. They were exhausted but smiling. They just did on a Tuesday morning what most people won't do in their entire lives. It is an amazing feeling.
With my group of friends this isn't unusual. I mean, I have had two friends run ultra marathons in extreme weather the past few weekends, one made it over 90 miles in the rain, the other made it over 50 in the heat and humidity without great aid. We are what we are and we do what we do....and we make TIME. And these people...they have kids. Yes kids.
Point you may ask? No, I don't have kids. I workout when I want. I don't have to answer to anyone but myself. I am selfish. I have heard so many times how, "it is easy for you...you don't have kids." Not from my friends who do what I do, but others. Like the only reason I work out as much as I do is because I have the luxury to because I don't have children. Almost all my friends have children and work out as much as I do. They make time. Yes, some of them have amazing spousal support. They work together. However a few of my friends are single parents and still manage ultra marathons and triathlons/ironman races with kids.
I hate the fact that because I do not have kids people think I have extra time on my hands. I have seen it in jobs where people get time off/etc because of kids and I just have to understand because I do not have kids. I have had other people tell me it isn't fair because I get to work out whenever I want because I do not have kids. Like I am some kind of bad person for not having kids.
I work 40 hours a week.
I am a little obsessive compulsive and my house is always clean because I clean it once a week.
I am in a book club and read 3 books a week.
I write constantly.
Cory and I have at least one project going at all times.
I am on a softball team.
I am volunteer coordinator for my running club (this is the least amount of volunteering I have done in 3 years)
I workout 6 days a week for at least an hour a day.
So I may not have kids, and I may have a ton of hobbies, but I still manage to get in a work out with a full load. and yes, the load is my choice and it may be selfish choices but it is my life and I have just as little of time as everyone else who have made their own choices.
But to someone with kids...they may say that kids come first and you can't predict when/where they will need you so let me put it this way...
I have a friend who trained for a marathon with twin infants....she trained on a treadmill. Ran 20 miles on a treadmill sometimes with 2 toddlers....
I have a friend who is currently training for an ultra marathon and a half ironman who has two girls under the age of 10. She is a single mom. She gets it done.
I have friends who within 24 hours found out they were going to have a newborn, since both have completed major races.
I have several Ironman friends who have children who have completed multiple IM with having kids and awesome support from their families.
My neighbor has 3 boys and makes it to the gym multiple times a week and I see her running and walking as well.
I know kids make schedules more difficult. I know I cannot really say anything because I do not have a kid and I won't know until I do. I just ask that the next time someone says they are training for a race and you do not really know them, do not automatically assume that just because they do not have kids, they have the time or the ability to do it. It is not THAT easy....
I guess the most important thing I am trying to get across is, I work for it and use my time wisely. When I put down on an application that I have good time management, I am 100% true to my word. Cory will wait till the last minute and then make us late while I am giving him the death stare, I hate being late. Most days I am racing the clock. I can tell you Tuesday to the minute where I should be in my swim, when I should be beginning my squats, and what time I should be brushing my teeth and cutting my veggies for lunch? Crazy? Yes, maybe I am. But I have limited time and if I want to get in a swim and strength before work I get my ass up at 4:30AM and get my butt to the Y, If I am not there I am the first to admit it is my doing. If something comes up I can't control then I get up the next day and do it then. When I trained for my first marathon while working two jobs I would get up and run and then go to one job at 8am, immediately to the next at 5pm, and get home after midnight and still have to study. I was exhausted but I wanted that marathon.
So yah I do not have to get up to a crying baby at 4am. I get up to workout. I do not have to fed a family after work. But I still have time issues and I still make due. Next time you judge me, don't. You don't live my life. And if you want to run/swim/bike in my shoes a week....well...grab some cleaner too, because after we finish our 4 hour workout we are gonna clean the house.
We all need like 30/7 right....or maybe another day in the week would be nice. I would take just one more hour a day if I could.
But I can't so I make it happen like everyone else. Some days I am exhausted, some days I barely get to see Cory, but in the end I usually get done what I need done, and if I don't, well....tomorrow.
I trained for my first marathon while working two jobs, going to college full time, and helping to build a house. I was busy. I was cranky. I had a great boyfriend who put up with my crazy schedule and many hours of bitching and complaining. I made it work because I wanted it. I wanted the marathon but I also wanted to graduate, and I needed money. The house, well that was Cory's dream and he let me be part of it. Now it is my dream.
Lately I find there just isn't enough time. I am working, working out, cleaning. The last two weekends I have been up earlier on Saturday and Sunday than I get up for work during the week. Work is almost like a relief from the weekend. I complain to Cory about being tired and as much as he understands, he still reminds me that it is my doing. It is. I do what I do because I have goals. My goals are my dreams. In order to enjoy life I will always have a goal. I cannot imagine living one day of my life without doing it working towards something that will make me a better person or make me feel like I have accomplished something. I live to love and to dream big and go after it.
So yah, the past two weekends come Monday morning I have been exhausted. It is that proud exhausted though. Memorial Day weekend I rode 75 miles and ran 14 miles. I was proud but I was tired. This past weekend I ran 13 and rode 40 with a day less than Memorial Day weekend, once again Monday was exhausting but I had a smile! When my friends finished their 20 miler in my office Tuesday morning everyone but me questioned why the hell they would do it....I understood. They were exhausted but smiling. They just did on a Tuesday morning what most people won't do in their entire lives. It is an amazing feeling.
With my group of friends this isn't unusual. I mean, I have had two friends run ultra marathons in extreme weather the past few weekends, one made it over 90 miles in the rain, the other made it over 50 in the heat and humidity without great aid. We are what we are and we do what we do....and we make TIME. And these people...they have kids. Yes kids.
Point you may ask? No, I don't have kids. I workout when I want. I don't have to answer to anyone but myself. I am selfish. I have heard so many times how, "it is easy for you...you don't have kids." Not from my friends who do what I do, but others. Like the only reason I work out as much as I do is because I have the luxury to because I don't have children. Almost all my friends have children and work out as much as I do. They make time. Yes, some of them have amazing spousal support. They work together. However a few of my friends are single parents and still manage ultra marathons and triathlons/ironman races with kids.
I hate the fact that because I do not have kids people think I have extra time on my hands. I have seen it in jobs where people get time off/etc because of kids and I just have to understand because I do not have kids. I have had other people tell me it isn't fair because I get to work out whenever I want because I do not have kids. Like I am some kind of bad person for not having kids.
I work 40 hours a week.
I am a little obsessive compulsive and my house is always clean because I clean it once a week.
I am in a book club and read 3 books a week.
I write constantly.
Cory and I have at least one project going at all times.
I am on a softball team.
I am volunteer coordinator for my running club (this is the least amount of volunteering I have done in 3 years)
I workout 6 days a week for at least an hour a day.
So I may not have kids, and I may have a ton of hobbies, but I still manage to get in a work out with a full load. and yes, the load is my choice and it may be selfish choices but it is my life and I have just as little of time as everyone else who have made their own choices.
But to someone with kids...they may say that kids come first and you can't predict when/where they will need you so let me put it this way...
I have a friend who trained for a marathon with twin infants....she trained on a treadmill. Ran 20 miles on a treadmill sometimes with 2 toddlers....
I have a friend who is currently training for an ultra marathon and a half ironman who has two girls under the age of 10. She is a single mom. She gets it done.
I have friends who within 24 hours found out they were going to have a newborn, since both have completed major races.
I have several Ironman friends who have children who have completed multiple IM with having kids and awesome support from their families.
My neighbor has 3 boys and makes it to the gym multiple times a week and I see her running and walking as well.
I know kids make schedules more difficult. I know I cannot really say anything because I do not have a kid and I won't know until I do. I just ask that the next time someone says they are training for a race and you do not really know them, do not automatically assume that just because they do not have kids, they have the time or the ability to do it. It is not THAT easy....
I guess the most important thing I am trying to get across is, I work for it and use my time wisely. When I put down on an application that I have good time management, I am 100% true to my word. Cory will wait till the last minute and then make us late while I am giving him the death stare, I hate being late. Most days I am racing the clock. I can tell you Tuesday to the minute where I should be in my swim, when I should be beginning my squats, and what time I should be brushing my teeth and cutting my veggies for lunch? Crazy? Yes, maybe I am. But I have limited time and if I want to get in a swim and strength before work I get my ass up at 4:30AM and get my butt to the Y, If I am not there I am the first to admit it is my doing. If something comes up I can't control then I get up the next day and do it then. When I trained for my first marathon while working two jobs I would get up and run and then go to one job at 8am, immediately to the next at 5pm, and get home after midnight and still have to study. I was exhausted but I wanted that marathon.
So yah I do not have to get up to a crying baby at 4am. I get up to workout. I do not have to fed a family after work. But I still have time issues and I still make due. Next time you judge me, don't. You don't live my life. And if you want to run/swim/bike in my shoes a week....well...grab some cleaner too, because after we finish our 4 hour workout we are gonna clean the house.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Because you know I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass....
It was funny when my friend told me her son use to scream out "HOT COCOA!" when he heard that song from Fifty Shades by Ellie Goulding. It comes on...."What are you waiting for?" and he screams "Hot Cocoa!" You know, every mom wants their son to answer any song associated with that movie. So when I asked what he would want to walk into at my wedding she politely told me maybe I shouldn't ask because he would tell me All About That Bass. I chuckled and did not think much past it. However I am a lyric person. When Cory put that song on my IPOD I thought, yah, I am not really into Megan Trainor, but I listened to the lyrics and thought, wow, this is actually a pretty meaningful song that every young girl should listen to. So hey little G, if you want to stroll in to a little bass, more power to you....even though you probably like the bass part, and haven't a clue what the lyrics mean!
Which brings me to my post.... I just finished a 70 minute workout. I swam for 40 minutes and did a 30 minute core session. Last night I rowed for 30 minutes and did a 30 minute strength session. This has actually been a light week for me working out. But I have 2 hours before work and I haven't blogged in awhile so.....
I am getting married in less than a month. Most likely if you are reading this, that is not a big surprise to you. If it is come out from under whatever rock or place you are hibernating in, it is spring! I am pretty sure every bride wants to look their best on the big day, and well, usually a honeymoon follows and a bikini is a must. 4 months ago there was no bikini wearing for me. NO WAY. Actually most of my life I haven't been comfortable enough to sport a bikini, I have always had problems with how I viewed myself. I have struggled especially with always thinking I am fat. I have always been sporty. My muscles were always bigger than other girls my age, I was always bigger. It always made me feel fat. After high school when I stopped participating in sports, well besides the sport of eating and drinking beer, I did indeed become overweight for probably the first time in my life. Yes as a kid I had chunks, baby fat, but I look back and don't really think until that point in my life I was ever fat like I thought I was.
When the scale hit 180 on my 5'5 self, I knew something would have to be done. I went on Weight Watchers and within 3 months I had dropped down to 140 and started running again. Within a few more months I was under 130, the smallest I had been since 4th grade. Yes you read that right, 4th grade. I thought I looked fantastic. For once I could sport that bikini and when I did Cory told me to stop sucking it in. I wasn't. I had become unhealthy skinny, something I never thought possible. My friend who cut my hair told me that it wasn't growing and that my skin didn't look good. You see, on WW they give you points, I was allowed 23. I never ate that many. And when I started running I never ate more like I was supposed to. I liked being that skinny. For once my brothers could not tease me like they did when we were kids, like all kids do, about being fat. There was no fat on me.
I was obsessed with counting calories and losing weight. When I met Cory I ate half a salad or sandwich when we went to dinner, now I eat a whole....of both. See when I started training for the marathon I just couldn't keep eating that way! A monster took over and wanted food. Probably the best thing I did was sign up for that marathon and start eating again. I wasn't sick, I didn't have a disease, but I was obsessed and there is no telling what it may have lead to.
So....5 years later and I am facing a wedding date back at 150. But I am a different 150 than I was before. I decided I wanted to hit 140 for wedding day. That was just 10 pounds more than I was when I was at 130. However, I knew I was dealing with more muscle, so 140 would probably make me look like I did when I was 130. So I decided to drop the ice coffee, booze, extra snacks, and start up a core/strength training plan to add to my already pretty hefty workout plan.
Today I clocked my lowest weight since I went on this plan. 145. So I won't make it to 140, there is no way. As I started this and noticed the pounds weren't falling off quickly like last time, I got discouraged. I looked in the mirror and saw the pounds. Even as my clothes got looser, I still saw them. I was working out 6 times a week, over and hour each time, and basically had given up all the good stuff and I was not losing any freaking weight. I was broken. Then I see Cory, who has been drinking beer at night, eating ice cream, and working out as much as me, put up his weight on the board and he is losing. ASS. WTF! GRRRRR. well he can wear the damn bikini.
Today when I woke up and weighed 145, I smiled....and went and bought an ICE COFFEE for the first time in months....thank you Nic Carter. let's go back to little G's song choice! Last night while I did my strength workout I was at 105 squats with a 10 pound medicine ball, I can lift 10 pounds over my head with one arm while doing a core / strength workout...40 times! I can squat with a ball for 80 seconds. I can now jump rope 5x1 minute without stopping and without dying...Thank you JOE BAILS, when I took his class I could not make it 30 seconds. Today when I did my core workout I did 150 crunches, I did 3x 1 minute planks on each side and front. I did 75 leg lifts on each leg and 100 seconds of bridges. I did 150 (Things like a situp with the 10 pound medicine ball I do not know what it is called). This is all a record for me.
I may not have gotten to the weight I wanted, but I am strong. I am the strongest I have ever been! When I look at myself now in the mirror I am not focused on those pounds, I am focused on the muscle I now have! Muscle I used to think made me look big! Yah I may be bigger than all my friends I hang with, I mean I hang out with some pretty fast athletic women! But for once I am looking in the mirror and I am liking what I see! I am not skinny, but I am ok with that! I am finally comfortable with my body! I am proud of the hard work I have put into it. So before work I am going to sit here and enjoy my ice coffee....I deserve it. And this weekend....I am going to buy that bikini. well maybe....baby steps!
Thanks all for listening, this was hard for me to write.
Which brings me to my post.... I just finished a 70 minute workout. I swam for 40 minutes and did a 30 minute core session. Last night I rowed for 30 minutes and did a 30 minute strength session. This has actually been a light week for me working out. But I have 2 hours before work and I haven't blogged in awhile so.....
I am getting married in less than a month. Most likely if you are reading this, that is not a big surprise to you. If it is come out from under whatever rock or place you are hibernating in, it is spring! I am pretty sure every bride wants to look their best on the big day, and well, usually a honeymoon follows and a bikini is a must. 4 months ago there was no bikini wearing for me. NO WAY. Actually most of my life I haven't been comfortable enough to sport a bikini, I have always had problems with how I viewed myself. I have struggled especially with always thinking I am fat. I have always been sporty. My muscles were always bigger than other girls my age, I was always bigger. It always made me feel fat. After high school when I stopped participating in sports, well besides the sport of eating and drinking beer, I did indeed become overweight for probably the first time in my life. Yes as a kid I had chunks, baby fat, but I look back and don't really think until that point in my life I was ever fat like I thought I was.
When the scale hit 180 on my 5'5 self, I knew something would have to be done. I went on Weight Watchers and within 3 months I had dropped down to 140 and started running again. Within a few more months I was under 130, the smallest I had been since 4th grade. Yes you read that right, 4th grade. I thought I looked fantastic. For once I could sport that bikini and when I did Cory told me to stop sucking it in. I wasn't. I had become unhealthy skinny, something I never thought possible. My friend who cut my hair told me that it wasn't growing and that my skin didn't look good. You see, on WW they give you points, I was allowed 23. I never ate that many. And when I started running I never ate more like I was supposed to. I liked being that skinny. For once my brothers could not tease me like they did when we were kids, like all kids do, about being fat. There was no fat on me.
I was obsessed with counting calories and losing weight. When I met Cory I ate half a salad or sandwich when we went to dinner, now I eat a whole....of both. See when I started training for the marathon I just couldn't keep eating that way! A monster took over and wanted food. Probably the best thing I did was sign up for that marathon and start eating again. I wasn't sick, I didn't have a disease, but I was obsessed and there is no telling what it may have lead to.
So....5 years later and I am facing a wedding date back at 150. But I am a different 150 than I was before. I decided I wanted to hit 140 for wedding day. That was just 10 pounds more than I was when I was at 130. However, I knew I was dealing with more muscle, so 140 would probably make me look like I did when I was 130. So I decided to drop the ice coffee, booze, extra snacks, and start up a core/strength training plan to add to my already pretty hefty workout plan.
Today I clocked my lowest weight since I went on this plan. 145. So I won't make it to 140, there is no way. As I started this and noticed the pounds weren't falling off quickly like last time, I got discouraged. I looked in the mirror and saw the pounds. Even as my clothes got looser, I still saw them. I was working out 6 times a week, over and hour each time, and basically had given up all the good stuff and I was not losing any freaking weight. I was broken. Then I see Cory, who has been drinking beer at night, eating ice cream, and working out as much as me, put up his weight on the board and he is losing. ASS. WTF! GRRRRR. well he can wear the damn bikini.
Today when I woke up and weighed 145, I smiled....and went and bought an ICE COFFEE for the first time in months....thank you Nic Carter. let's go back to little G's song choice! Last night while I did my strength workout I was at 105 squats with a 10 pound medicine ball, I can lift 10 pounds over my head with one arm while doing a core / strength workout...40 times! I can squat with a ball for 80 seconds. I can now jump rope 5x1 minute without stopping and without dying...Thank you JOE BAILS, when I took his class I could not make it 30 seconds. Today when I did my core workout I did 150 crunches, I did 3x 1 minute planks on each side and front. I did 75 leg lifts on each leg and 100 seconds of bridges. I did 150 (Things like a situp with the 10 pound medicine ball I do not know what it is called). This is all a record for me.
I may not have gotten to the weight I wanted, but I am strong. I am the strongest I have ever been! When I look at myself now in the mirror I am not focused on those pounds, I am focused on the muscle I now have! Muscle I used to think made me look big! Yah I may be bigger than all my friends I hang with, I mean I hang out with some pretty fast athletic women! But for once I am looking in the mirror and I am liking what I see! I am not skinny, but I am ok with that! I am finally comfortable with my body! I am proud of the hard work I have put into it. So before work I am going to sit here and enjoy my ice coffee....I deserve it. And this weekend....I am going to buy that bikini. well maybe....baby steps!
Thanks all for listening, this was hard for me to write.
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