In case you didn't know, like you live under a rock or don't own a TV, this is Olympic week. In case you didn't know, most likely you aren't my Facebook friend or you have me on ignore and shouldn't be reading this, this is my half Ironman week too! Most of my friends are racing various other ultra distance races this weekend or in their core training weeks for their upcoming marathons. So watching the Olympics is bound to get us all pumped and ready! Isn't it something to see these athletes work so hard to accomplish their goals?
Last night while watching Phelps take on his 20th medal, I couldn't help but tear up with him. I mean 20 and he still stands there barely holding it in. What happened to you when you finally accomplished the hardest thing you have done? How did you react? How did you feel? What inspired you to train, work hard, and finish something you never thought you would do?
A few years back I had a couple friends finish their IM. I remember following them during their training. On race day I was glued to my computer waiting for updates. When they finished I cried and Cory was like, WTF Niki? Sometimes it is hard to explain, you just are so happy for them and can relate to the feeling. The feeling of knowing you just did something you have never done before and you will remember that feeling forever. You put your body through a lot and put in so many hours and you accomplish it.
So what inspired you to do it? Not everyone just wakes up and says, "hey I think I will do an Ironman this year!" I mean, unless you are Valeria that is usually not something you just decide after a mini tri! But this is Valeria we are talking about and she isn't just someone!
What made me decide to go after a half Ironman was the need to do something more. I had done a marathon and Olympic distance tri and I was hungry for another goal. When I came around to deciding to go after the full IM I think I was drunk. Haha jk. In all honesty, it scares me. It scares me admitting I am going to do it, it will scare me signing up, and it will scare me training. If I can accomplish it, and I say if because I am not sure I can, it will mean so much to me. This is the first time I have went out to do something that I am not 100% sure I can actually finish. I guess that is what inspired me to sign up. I am doing something that scares the shit out of me and that is living to me.
So I was talking to my coworker today about why people workout. We got on the topic because we were talking about where we go for a release. What makes us happy and relaxed, what gives us energy. I said running or working out. She mentioned that she works out 5 times a week and she is more tired and grouchy after. I told her I think our problem is we do not see working out as a means for release or to make us happy. We exercise to race, to lose weight, to be social, as so many do. It is hard to concentrate on the emotional benefits exercise can give you when you are focused on training and losing weight. I mean everyone does it for different reasons. I know some of my best training days are the ones when I have no goal but to just go out and do an easy run or a social bike ride with Cory. There is no pressure, no clock, no goals. Afterwards I feel happy because there was no goal other than to just have fun doing it.
So back to what inspires us, I got off track sort of....
Last night I was watching the Olympics and the announcer mentioned, in regards to the USA gymnasts, that they will be the ones that young girls want to be. Young girls will want to do what they do and be them when they grow up. I think it is great to have athletes like Olympians to be inspired by. I hope if I ever have children that they look up to an athlete like Michael Phelps, Gabby Douglas, Meb, and the many other athletes out there.
On the radio today they mentioned how these athletes are super humans. How they would like to have an average athlete out there in each event so we can see how good these people really are. To see a normal athlete in comparison to the greats! They train hard and they live for this. They are inspirational! Good for them, I only hope I can work that hard. They are inspiring and I can say it has definitely been a benefit having the Olympics the week of my half! I am pumped, so much so I can't sleep at night, I am ready to race!
But when I am struggling in the race, when I want to quit, when I am tired and just want to say F it, will I think of Phelps and get a boost? Will I think of how he pushed it past not only Le Cros but the other two athletes that were just as talented and worked just as hard but just not hard enough - you know, a second less hard haha? No, I probably won't think of any Olympian.
You see, Olympians work their asses off and I will never underestimate their talent and dedication. But they go there, they work hard, they are recognized, and their hard work is rewarded.
Think about the "Olympians" in our life. The ones who face battles daily in their life, the ones who fight just as hard and keep getting back up after being knock back down. It may not be a sprained ankle, it may not be a stress fracture, it may not be a.05 second difference between gold and silver. Because they won't be recognized, they won't stand on a podium and hear their country's anthem. They won't take home a gold medal for the battle they just fought, the accomplishment they just made, the fight they just made for their life. Those are the people that when I am feeling sorry for myself, when I am thinking I can't push harder, when I want to quit and think I have it bad, those are the people I remember. I get inspired by them! They will help me push harder and want more out of what I am doing. Because I know their battles are so much worse than my goals and if they can do it than I can surely finish my goal!
So what inspires you? I think anything that inspires anyone to just go after a goal should be recognized! Even if it is a goal to run a mile and a piece of pizza is what inspires you to push it, well, it got you out there! Go Pizza! We all do it for some reason! I think those reasons are important!
#ironmansteelhead70.3
#myheroisbatman
#runningformurelle
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
in the end, the turtle does win...
It does humor me that I am writing this exactly one year after finishing my first half ironman. 6:54:45 was my time. I was starting the swim 13 minutes from now. I did not care about time, how I would finish, how fast I would go. All I cared was that I would finish. I guess things have changed a little for me this year.
This past weekend I did a 6 hour bike ride. For those of you that have done Howl, this is sort of a biker's Howl. You could do 6 or 12 hours. Let me say this right now, the thought of 12 hours on a bike to me is pure hell. Who would ever want to sit on a bike for 12 freaking hours. My butt hurts just thinking about it. My butt still hurts from the 6 hour. Anyway, you get a number and call it out when you pass through the loops. That is basically it! You follow the 25 mile course, don't cheat, and you pull up a cooler with your aid for when you need to refuel or rest. FUN!
So when the 6 hour group took off, I started and within a minute I swear I was a half mile behind everyone. I am not lying. My first loop of 25 miles was the fastest I have ever gone for 25. Smart! I mean, I only had 4.5 more hours of this! Great plan Niki. Needless to say the rest of the race was not so fun for me. I hurt....everywhere. I was a tad sick to my stomach from pushing it and after 50 the thought of 80 miles was just sad. I wanted to quit at 50 and I may have. It would have been a good days work seeing as it was my fastest 50 to date. But my goal was 80 and I went for it and got it. The last 5 miles were out of pure determination and I hated every freaking pedal of it. I may have even cussed going up a hill.
The thing is.....I was one of the lowest mileage riders that day and I busted my ass. I worked harder than I had in any race except the half ironman. I think I would have felt this was harder than the half if the day of the half would not have been so hot and I was hydrated and fueled properly.
So my point....which I always have when I rant. People flew by me on this bike course. A few made jokes about me latching on and I laughed and told them good job. When they were far enough away I called them asshats and wished they swallowed a fly or got a flat. Classy I know. I remember when I was at my best running and we would take off and I was a front of the pack runner in these smaller races the feeling I had knowing I was pretty good. Well now I know how the back people feel. One thing I want to say is, we all go the same distance and we all work just as hard to get there. As a matter of fact, I feel I worked harder when I was in the back.
There are talented people that work hard to do as well as they do and then there are talented people who do not put forth any effort and just do well. It pisses me off. I am not talented, but I am working my ass off to do the same distance and work as everyone else doing the race and if it takes me 2 hours longer than guess what that adds up to, I just did 2 hours more work than the person more talented than I am.
I have never had much come easy. Even in school I had to study and practiced to get good grades. I never picked up the trumpet and played like some jazz musician. But when I had a crush on the lead trumpet player in 8th grade and I wanted to impress him I practiced my ass off and I got the lead solo. So there. I worked for it. I have always worked hard to achieve my goals and in the end, I am proud when I get them! So much prouder than if I slacked off and just barely made it through.
So lately I have been comparing myself to people. I am a very competitive person and when people tell me stuff like you shouldn't compare, or don't worry about other people, well, it is hard for me. My hip has made me step back and the clock is ticking down and I am watching my friends finish their races in awesome times and I am starting to worry. I could make up a hundred excuses as to why I may not be as good but at the end of the race it all just comes down to I am not as good or I am not as talented. I just need to remember I pushed through. I stood there Saturday after I finished my longest distance race ever looking around for someone to tell it to, someone to share it with. I knew no one. And how do you brag to someone who just did 20, 50, 100 more miles than you did. My friends were all out at the beer festival, my parents were at a class reunion, Cory did not pick up his phone, and the only people I kind of knew there had other people they knew better to celebrate with. I stood there and wanted to break down but I didn't. I waited till later. I was an emotional wreck that I had just done that and couldn't even bask in it. I did share with a few friends over text and they were proud of me, but I am use to having a group and it wasn't the same.
Anyway next time I see that saying, "A 6 minute mile is still the same distance as a 12 minute mile", I will see it differently. I mean, I think we can all say that a 3 hour marathoner is great, but it takes determination to stay out there for 6 hours and finish and you still went the same distance. It is still the same race. Even a person running a 5k for the first time is still fighting the same battle as a seasoned runner running a new longer distance.
So when the fast guys passed me this weekend and I wished the flat I didn't actually hope to see one of them on the road up ahead later with a flat, but I did. I passed by and asked him if he needed help and you know what he did, he laughed at me! LAUGHED! Well buddy I may be slow but guess what, my stubborn ass can change a tire! I know that because even with blood running down both my hands I changed one and wouldn't let Cory help. So next time you judge a slower athlete, well next time just don't. They are working just as hard as you and maybe even harder.
This past weekend I did a 6 hour bike ride. For those of you that have done Howl, this is sort of a biker's Howl. You could do 6 or 12 hours. Let me say this right now, the thought of 12 hours on a bike to me is pure hell. Who would ever want to sit on a bike for 12 freaking hours. My butt hurts just thinking about it. My butt still hurts from the 6 hour. Anyway, you get a number and call it out when you pass through the loops. That is basically it! You follow the 25 mile course, don't cheat, and you pull up a cooler with your aid for when you need to refuel or rest. FUN!
So when the 6 hour group took off, I started and within a minute I swear I was a half mile behind everyone. I am not lying. My first loop of 25 miles was the fastest I have ever gone for 25. Smart! I mean, I only had 4.5 more hours of this! Great plan Niki. Needless to say the rest of the race was not so fun for me. I hurt....everywhere. I was a tad sick to my stomach from pushing it and after 50 the thought of 80 miles was just sad. I wanted to quit at 50 and I may have. It would have been a good days work seeing as it was my fastest 50 to date. But my goal was 80 and I went for it and got it. The last 5 miles were out of pure determination and I hated every freaking pedal of it. I may have even cussed going up a hill.
The thing is.....I was one of the lowest mileage riders that day and I busted my ass. I worked harder than I had in any race except the half ironman. I think I would have felt this was harder than the half if the day of the half would not have been so hot and I was hydrated and fueled properly.
So my point....which I always have when I rant. People flew by me on this bike course. A few made jokes about me latching on and I laughed and told them good job. When they were far enough away I called them asshats and wished they swallowed a fly or got a flat. Classy I know. I remember when I was at my best running and we would take off and I was a front of the pack runner in these smaller races the feeling I had knowing I was pretty good. Well now I know how the back people feel. One thing I want to say is, we all go the same distance and we all work just as hard to get there. As a matter of fact, I feel I worked harder when I was in the back.
There are talented people that work hard to do as well as they do and then there are talented people who do not put forth any effort and just do well. It pisses me off. I am not talented, but I am working my ass off to do the same distance and work as everyone else doing the race and if it takes me 2 hours longer than guess what that adds up to, I just did 2 hours more work than the person more talented than I am.
I have never had much come easy. Even in school I had to study and practiced to get good grades. I never picked up the trumpet and played like some jazz musician. But when I had a crush on the lead trumpet player in 8th grade and I wanted to impress him I practiced my ass off and I got the lead solo. So there. I worked for it. I have always worked hard to achieve my goals and in the end, I am proud when I get them! So much prouder than if I slacked off and just barely made it through.
So lately I have been comparing myself to people. I am a very competitive person and when people tell me stuff like you shouldn't compare, or don't worry about other people, well, it is hard for me. My hip has made me step back and the clock is ticking down and I am watching my friends finish their races in awesome times and I am starting to worry. I could make up a hundred excuses as to why I may not be as good but at the end of the race it all just comes down to I am not as good or I am not as talented. I just need to remember I pushed through. I stood there Saturday after I finished my longest distance race ever looking around for someone to tell it to, someone to share it with. I knew no one. And how do you brag to someone who just did 20, 50, 100 more miles than you did. My friends were all out at the beer festival, my parents were at a class reunion, Cory did not pick up his phone, and the only people I kind of knew there had other people they knew better to celebrate with. I stood there and wanted to break down but I didn't. I waited till later. I was an emotional wreck that I had just done that and couldn't even bask in it. I did share with a few friends over text and they were proud of me, but I am use to having a group and it wasn't the same.
Anyway next time I see that saying, "A 6 minute mile is still the same distance as a 12 minute mile", I will see it differently. I mean, I think we can all say that a 3 hour marathoner is great, but it takes determination to stay out there for 6 hours and finish and you still went the same distance. It is still the same race. Even a person running a 5k for the first time is still fighting the same battle as a seasoned runner running a new longer distance.
So when the fast guys passed me this weekend and I wished the flat I didn't actually hope to see one of them on the road up ahead later with a flat, but I did. I passed by and asked him if he needed help and you know what he did, he laughed at me! LAUGHED! Well buddy I may be slow but guess what, my stubborn ass can change a tire! I know that because even with blood running down both my hands I changed one and wouldn't let Cory help. So next time you judge a slower athlete, well next time just don't. They are working just as hard as you and maybe even harder.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
It can happen too fast, or a little too late, timing is everything....
Screw Time...
We all need like 30/7 right....or maybe another day in the week would be nice. I would take just one more hour a day if I could.
But I can't so I make it happen like everyone else. Some days I am exhausted, some days I barely get to see Cory, but in the end I usually get done what I need done, and if I don't, well....tomorrow.
I trained for my first marathon while working two jobs, going to college full time, and helping to build a house. I was busy. I was cranky. I had a great boyfriend who put up with my crazy schedule and many hours of bitching and complaining. I made it work because I wanted it. I wanted the marathon but I also wanted to graduate, and I needed money. The house, well that was Cory's dream and he let me be part of it. Now it is my dream.
Lately I find there just isn't enough time. I am working, working out, cleaning. The last two weekends I have been up earlier on Saturday and Sunday than I get up for work during the week. Work is almost like a relief from the weekend. I complain to Cory about being tired and as much as he understands, he still reminds me that it is my doing. It is. I do what I do because I have goals. My goals are my dreams. In order to enjoy life I will always have a goal. I cannot imagine living one day of my life without doing it working towards something that will make me a better person or make me feel like I have accomplished something. I live to love and to dream big and go after it.
So yah, the past two weekends come Monday morning I have been exhausted. It is that proud exhausted though. Memorial Day weekend I rode 75 miles and ran 14 miles. I was proud but I was tired. This past weekend I ran 13 and rode 40 with a day less than Memorial Day weekend, once again Monday was exhausting but I had a smile! When my friends finished their 20 miler in my office Tuesday morning everyone but me questioned why the hell they would do it....I understood. They were exhausted but smiling. They just did on a Tuesday morning what most people won't do in their entire lives. It is an amazing feeling.
With my group of friends this isn't unusual. I mean, I have had two friends run ultra marathons in extreme weather the past few weekends, one made it over 90 miles in the rain, the other made it over 50 in the heat and humidity without great aid. We are what we are and we do what we do....and we make TIME. And these people...they have kids. Yes kids.
Point you may ask? No, I don't have kids. I workout when I want. I don't have to answer to anyone but myself. I am selfish. I have heard so many times how, "it is easy for you...you don't have kids." Not from my friends who do what I do, but others. Like the only reason I work out as much as I do is because I have the luxury to because I don't have children. Almost all my friends have children and work out as much as I do. They make time. Yes, some of them have amazing spousal support. They work together. However a few of my friends are single parents and still manage ultra marathons and triathlons/ironman races with kids.
I hate the fact that because I do not have kids people think I have extra time on my hands. I have seen it in jobs where people get time off/etc because of kids and I just have to understand because I do not have kids. I have had other people tell me it isn't fair because I get to work out whenever I want because I do not have kids. Like I am some kind of bad person for not having kids.
I work 40 hours a week.
I am a little obsessive compulsive and my house is always clean because I clean it once a week.
I am in a book club and read 3 books a week.
I write constantly.
Cory and I have at least one project going at all times.
I am on a softball team.
I am volunteer coordinator for my running club (this is the least amount of volunteering I have done in 3 years)
I workout 6 days a week for at least an hour a day.
So I may not have kids, and I may have a ton of hobbies, but I still manage to get in a work out with a full load. and yes, the load is my choice and it may be selfish choices but it is my life and I have just as little of time as everyone else who have made their own choices.
But to someone with kids...they may say that kids come first and you can't predict when/where they will need you so let me put it this way...
I have a friend who trained for a marathon with twin infants....she trained on a treadmill. Ran 20 miles on a treadmill sometimes with 2 toddlers....
I have a friend who is currently training for an ultra marathon and a half ironman who has two girls under the age of 10. She is a single mom. She gets it done.
I have friends who within 24 hours found out they were going to have a newborn, since both have completed major races.
I have several Ironman friends who have children who have completed multiple IM with having kids and awesome support from their families.
My neighbor has 3 boys and makes it to the gym multiple times a week and I see her running and walking as well.
I know kids make schedules more difficult. I know I cannot really say anything because I do not have a kid and I won't know until I do. I just ask that the next time someone says they are training for a race and you do not really know them, do not automatically assume that just because they do not have kids, they have the time or the ability to do it. It is not THAT easy....
I guess the most important thing I am trying to get across is, I work for it and use my time wisely. When I put down on an application that I have good time management, I am 100% true to my word. Cory will wait till the last minute and then make us late while I am giving him the death stare, I hate being late. Most days I am racing the clock. I can tell you Tuesday to the minute where I should be in my swim, when I should be beginning my squats, and what time I should be brushing my teeth and cutting my veggies for lunch? Crazy? Yes, maybe I am. But I have limited time and if I want to get in a swim and strength before work I get my ass up at 4:30AM and get my butt to the Y, If I am not there I am the first to admit it is my doing. If something comes up I can't control then I get up the next day and do it then. When I trained for my first marathon while working two jobs I would get up and run and then go to one job at 8am, immediately to the next at 5pm, and get home after midnight and still have to study. I was exhausted but I wanted that marathon.
So yah I do not have to get up to a crying baby at 4am. I get up to workout. I do not have to fed a family after work. But I still have time issues and I still make due. Next time you judge me, don't. You don't live my life. And if you want to run/swim/bike in my shoes a week....well...grab some cleaner too, because after we finish our 4 hour workout we are gonna clean the house.
We all need like 30/7 right....or maybe another day in the week would be nice. I would take just one more hour a day if I could.
But I can't so I make it happen like everyone else. Some days I am exhausted, some days I barely get to see Cory, but in the end I usually get done what I need done, and if I don't, well....tomorrow.
I trained for my first marathon while working two jobs, going to college full time, and helping to build a house. I was busy. I was cranky. I had a great boyfriend who put up with my crazy schedule and many hours of bitching and complaining. I made it work because I wanted it. I wanted the marathon but I also wanted to graduate, and I needed money. The house, well that was Cory's dream and he let me be part of it. Now it is my dream.
Lately I find there just isn't enough time. I am working, working out, cleaning. The last two weekends I have been up earlier on Saturday and Sunday than I get up for work during the week. Work is almost like a relief from the weekend. I complain to Cory about being tired and as much as he understands, he still reminds me that it is my doing. It is. I do what I do because I have goals. My goals are my dreams. In order to enjoy life I will always have a goal. I cannot imagine living one day of my life without doing it working towards something that will make me a better person or make me feel like I have accomplished something. I live to love and to dream big and go after it.
So yah, the past two weekends come Monday morning I have been exhausted. It is that proud exhausted though. Memorial Day weekend I rode 75 miles and ran 14 miles. I was proud but I was tired. This past weekend I ran 13 and rode 40 with a day less than Memorial Day weekend, once again Monday was exhausting but I had a smile! When my friends finished their 20 miler in my office Tuesday morning everyone but me questioned why the hell they would do it....I understood. They were exhausted but smiling. They just did on a Tuesday morning what most people won't do in their entire lives. It is an amazing feeling.
With my group of friends this isn't unusual. I mean, I have had two friends run ultra marathons in extreme weather the past few weekends, one made it over 90 miles in the rain, the other made it over 50 in the heat and humidity without great aid. We are what we are and we do what we do....and we make TIME. And these people...they have kids. Yes kids.
Point you may ask? No, I don't have kids. I workout when I want. I don't have to answer to anyone but myself. I am selfish. I have heard so many times how, "it is easy for you...you don't have kids." Not from my friends who do what I do, but others. Like the only reason I work out as much as I do is because I have the luxury to because I don't have children. Almost all my friends have children and work out as much as I do. They make time. Yes, some of them have amazing spousal support. They work together. However a few of my friends are single parents and still manage ultra marathons and triathlons/ironman races with kids.
I hate the fact that because I do not have kids people think I have extra time on my hands. I have seen it in jobs where people get time off/etc because of kids and I just have to understand because I do not have kids. I have had other people tell me it isn't fair because I get to work out whenever I want because I do not have kids. Like I am some kind of bad person for not having kids.
I work 40 hours a week.
I am a little obsessive compulsive and my house is always clean because I clean it once a week.
I am in a book club and read 3 books a week.
I write constantly.
Cory and I have at least one project going at all times.
I am on a softball team.
I am volunteer coordinator for my running club (this is the least amount of volunteering I have done in 3 years)
I workout 6 days a week for at least an hour a day.
So I may not have kids, and I may have a ton of hobbies, but I still manage to get in a work out with a full load. and yes, the load is my choice and it may be selfish choices but it is my life and I have just as little of time as everyone else who have made their own choices.
But to someone with kids...they may say that kids come first and you can't predict when/where they will need you so let me put it this way...
I have a friend who trained for a marathon with twin infants....she trained on a treadmill. Ran 20 miles on a treadmill sometimes with 2 toddlers....
I have a friend who is currently training for an ultra marathon and a half ironman who has two girls under the age of 10. She is a single mom. She gets it done.
I have friends who within 24 hours found out they were going to have a newborn, since both have completed major races.
I have several Ironman friends who have children who have completed multiple IM with having kids and awesome support from their families.
My neighbor has 3 boys and makes it to the gym multiple times a week and I see her running and walking as well.
I know kids make schedules more difficult. I know I cannot really say anything because I do not have a kid and I won't know until I do. I just ask that the next time someone says they are training for a race and you do not really know them, do not automatically assume that just because they do not have kids, they have the time or the ability to do it. It is not THAT easy....
I guess the most important thing I am trying to get across is, I work for it and use my time wisely. When I put down on an application that I have good time management, I am 100% true to my word. Cory will wait till the last minute and then make us late while I am giving him the death stare, I hate being late. Most days I am racing the clock. I can tell you Tuesday to the minute where I should be in my swim, when I should be beginning my squats, and what time I should be brushing my teeth and cutting my veggies for lunch? Crazy? Yes, maybe I am. But I have limited time and if I want to get in a swim and strength before work I get my ass up at 4:30AM and get my butt to the Y, If I am not there I am the first to admit it is my doing. If something comes up I can't control then I get up the next day and do it then. When I trained for my first marathon while working two jobs I would get up and run and then go to one job at 8am, immediately to the next at 5pm, and get home after midnight and still have to study. I was exhausted but I wanted that marathon.
So yah I do not have to get up to a crying baby at 4am. I get up to workout. I do not have to fed a family after work. But I still have time issues and I still make due. Next time you judge me, don't. You don't live my life. And if you want to run/swim/bike in my shoes a week....well...grab some cleaner too, because after we finish our 4 hour workout we are gonna clean the house.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Because you know I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass....
It was funny when my friend told me her son use to scream out "HOT COCOA!" when he heard that song from Fifty Shades by Ellie Goulding. It comes on...."What are you waiting for?" and he screams "Hot Cocoa!" You know, every mom wants their son to answer any song associated with that movie. So when I asked what he would want to walk into at my wedding she politely told me maybe I shouldn't ask because he would tell me All About That Bass. I chuckled and did not think much past it. However I am a lyric person. When Cory put that song on my IPOD I thought, yah, I am not really into Megan Trainor, but I listened to the lyrics and thought, wow, this is actually a pretty meaningful song that every young girl should listen to. So hey little G, if you want to stroll in to a little bass, more power to you....even though you probably like the bass part, and haven't a clue what the lyrics mean!
Which brings me to my post.... I just finished a 70 minute workout. I swam for 40 minutes and did a 30 minute core session. Last night I rowed for 30 minutes and did a 30 minute strength session. This has actually been a light week for me working out. But I have 2 hours before work and I haven't blogged in awhile so.....
I am getting married in less than a month. Most likely if you are reading this, that is not a big surprise to you. If it is come out from under whatever rock or place you are hibernating in, it is spring! I am pretty sure every bride wants to look their best on the big day, and well, usually a honeymoon follows and a bikini is a must. 4 months ago there was no bikini wearing for me. NO WAY. Actually most of my life I haven't been comfortable enough to sport a bikini, I have always had problems with how I viewed myself. I have struggled especially with always thinking I am fat. I have always been sporty. My muscles were always bigger than other girls my age, I was always bigger. It always made me feel fat. After high school when I stopped participating in sports, well besides the sport of eating and drinking beer, I did indeed become overweight for probably the first time in my life. Yes as a kid I had chunks, baby fat, but I look back and don't really think until that point in my life I was ever fat like I thought I was.
When the scale hit 180 on my 5'5 self, I knew something would have to be done. I went on Weight Watchers and within 3 months I had dropped down to 140 and started running again. Within a few more months I was under 130, the smallest I had been since 4th grade. Yes you read that right, 4th grade. I thought I looked fantastic. For once I could sport that bikini and when I did Cory told me to stop sucking it in. I wasn't. I had become unhealthy skinny, something I never thought possible. My friend who cut my hair told me that it wasn't growing and that my skin didn't look good. You see, on WW they give you points, I was allowed 23. I never ate that many. And when I started running I never ate more like I was supposed to. I liked being that skinny. For once my brothers could not tease me like they did when we were kids, like all kids do, about being fat. There was no fat on me.
I was obsessed with counting calories and losing weight. When I met Cory I ate half a salad or sandwich when we went to dinner, now I eat a whole....of both. See when I started training for the marathon I just couldn't keep eating that way! A monster took over and wanted food. Probably the best thing I did was sign up for that marathon and start eating again. I wasn't sick, I didn't have a disease, but I was obsessed and there is no telling what it may have lead to.
So....5 years later and I am facing a wedding date back at 150. But I am a different 150 than I was before. I decided I wanted to hit 140 for wedding day. That was just 10 pounds more than I was when I was at 130. However, I knew I was dealing with more muscle, so 140 would probably make me look like I did when I was 130. So I decided to drop the ice coffee, booze, extra snacks, and start up a core/strength training plan to add to my already pretty hefty workout plan.
Today I clocked my lowest weight since I went on this plan. 145. So I won't make it to 140, there is no way. As I started this and noticed the pounds weren't falling off quickly like last time, I got discouraged. I looked in the mirror and saw the pounds. Even as my clothes got looser, I still saw them. I was working out 6 times a week, over and hour each time, and basically had given up all the good stuff and I was not losing any freaking weight. I was broken. Then I see Cory, who has been drinking beer at night, eating ice cream, and working out as much as me, put up his weight on the board and he is losing. ASS. WTF! GRRRRR. well he can wear the damn bikini.
Today when I woke up and weighed 145, I smiled....and went and bought an ICE COFFEE for the first time in months....thank you Nic Carter. let's go back to little G's song choice! Last night while I did my strength workout I was at 105 squats with a 10 pound medicine ball, I can lift 10 pounds over my head with one arm while doing a core / strength workout...40 times! I can squat with a ball for 80 seconds. I can now jump rope 5x1 minute without stopping and without dying...Thank you JOE BAILS, when I took his class I could not make it 30 seconds. Today when I did my core workout I did 150 crunches, I did 3x 1 minute planks on each side and front. I did 75 leg lifts on each leg and 100 seconds of bridges. I did 150 (Things like a situp with the 10 pound medicine ball I do not know what it is called). This is all a record for me.
I may not have gotten to the weight I wanted, but I am strong. I am the strongest I have ever been! When I look at myself now in the mirror I am not focused on those pounds, I am focused on the muscle I now have! Muscle I used to think made me look big! Yah I may be bigger than all my friends I hang with, I mean I hang out with some pretty fast athletic women! But for once I am looking in the mirror and I am liking what I see! I am not skinny, but I am ok with that! I am finally comfortable with my body! I am proud of the hard work I have put into it. So before work I am going to sit here and enjoy my ice coffee....I deserve it. And this weekend....I am going to buy that bikini. well maybe....baby steps!
Thanks all for listening, this was hard for me to write.
Which brings me to my post.... I just finished a 70 minute workout. I swam for 40 minutes and did a 30 minute core session. Last night I rowed for 30 minutes and did a 30 minute strength session. This has actually been a light week for me working out. But I have 2 hours before work and I haven't blogged in awhile so.....
I am getting married in less than a month. Most likely if you are reading this, that is not a big surprise to you. If it is come out from under whatever rock or place you are hibernating in, it is spring! I am pretty sure every bride wants to look their best on the big day, and well, usually a honeymoon follows and a bikini is a must. 4 months ago there was no bikini wearing for me. NO WAY. Actually most of my life I haven't been comfortable enough to sport a bikini, I have always had problems with how I viewed myself. I have struggled especially with always thinking I am fat. I have always been sporty. My muscles were always bigger than other girls my age, I was always bigger. It always made me feel fat. After high school when I stopped participating in sports, well besides the sport of eating and drinking beer, I did indeed become overweight for probably the first time in my life. Yes as a kid I had chunks, baby fat, but I look back and don't really think until that point in my life I was ever fat like I thought I was.
When the scale hit 180 on my 5'5 self, I knew something would have to be done. I went on Weight Watchers and within 3 months I had dropped down to 140 and started running again. Within a few more months I was under 130, the smallest I had been since 4th grade. Yes you read that right, 4th grade. I thought I looked fantastic. For once I could sport that bikini and when I did Cory told me to stop sucking it in. I wasn't. I had become unhealthy skinny, something I never thought possible. My friend who cut my hair told me that it wasn't growing and that my skin didn't look good. You see, on WW they give you points, I was allowed 23. I never ate that many. And when I started running I never ate more like I was supposed to. I liked being that skinny. For once my brothers could not tease me like they did when we were kids, like all kids do, about being fat. There was no fat on me.
I was obsessed with counting calories and losing weight. When I met Cory I ate half a salad or sandwich when we went to dinner, now I eat a whole....of both. See when I started training for the marathon I just couldn't keep eating that way! A monster took over and wanted food. Probably the best thing I did was sign up for that marathon and start eating again. I wasn't sick, I didn't have a disease, but I was obsessed and there is no telling what it may have lead to.
So....5 years later and I am facing a wedding date back at 150. But I am a different 150 than I was before. I decided I wanted to hit 140 for wedding day. That was just 10 pounds more than I was when I was at 130. However, I knew I was dealing with more muscle, so 140 would probably make me look like I did when I was 130. So I decided to drop the ice coffee, booze, extra snacks, and start up a core/strength training plan to add to my already pretty hefty workout plan.
Today I clocked my lowest weight since I went on this plan. 145. So I won't make it to 140, there is no way. As I started this and noticed the pounds weren't falling off quickly like last time, I got discouraged. I looked in the mirror and saw the pounds. Even as my clothes got looser, I still saw them. I was working out 6 times a week, over and hour each time, and basically had given up all the good stuff and I was not losing any freaking weight. I was broken. Then I see Cory, who has been drinking beer at night, eating ice cream, and working out as much as me, put up his weight on the board and he is losing. ASS. WTF! GRRRRR. well he can wear the damn bikini.
Today when I woke up and weighed 145, I smiled....and went and bought an ICE COFFEE for the first time in months....thank you Nic Carter. let's go back to little G's song choice! Last night while I did my strength workout I was at 105 squats with a 10 pound medicine ball, I can lift 10 pounds over my head with one arm while doing a core / strength workout...40 times! I can squat with a ball for 80 seconds. I can now jump rope 5x1 minute without stopping and without dying...Thank you JOE BAILS, when I took his class I could not make it 30 seconds. Today when I did my core workout I did 150 crunches, I did 3x 1 minute planks on each side and front. I did 75 leg lifts on each leg and 100 seconds of bridges. I did 150 (Things like a situp with the 10 pound medicine ball I do not know what it is called). This is all a record for me.
I may not have gotten to the weight I wanted, but I am strong. I am the strongest I have ever been! When I look at myself now in the mirror I am not focused on those pounds, I am focused on the muscle I now have! Muscle I used to think made me look big! Yah I may be bigger than all my friends I hang with, I mean I hang out with some pretty fast athletic women! But for once I am looking in the mirror and I am liking what I see! I am not skinny, but I am ok with that! I am finally comfortable with my body! I am proud of the hard work I have put into it. So before work I am going to sit here and enjoy my ice coffee....I deserve it. And this weekend....I am going to buy that bikini. well maybe....baby steps!
Thanks all for listening, this was hard for me to write.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
You may be Pitch Perfect but George Clooney has the wisdom and experience....
I have not blogged in awhile. Mainly I have been busy working out and planning a wedding, but also I just haven't had much to say. Imagine that! However after last night and this past year serving as a board member for a club I joined as a hobby...I have something to say! Some will not like this but I usually say what I mean, and feel what I say...so there is that. Besides, half my facebook friends are annoyed by my constant updates on workouts anyway and ignore me so this is more for me haha.
So there is that movie with Clooney and the girl from Pitch Perfect, the pretty one. She goes in with this AWESOME idea how to make the company he works for so much better, time and money saving blah blah. Up In The Air, yah I am gonna tell you the end so skip this paragraph if you want to watch it and whatever. So yah a fresh out of college grad pissing off George with her fresh know it all ideas. So George is like, screw that. Step into MY SHOES, do my job, and let's see how good your idea is after that. So they fire people. Major companies actually hire people like George to come out to their company and let their people go for them. FUN JOB! But he gets to fly all the time, hence the title, and she wants to ground him. Have him sit at a computer and fire them on facetime or whatever it is. Brilliant! Saves travel time, expenses, and George can fire someone in Tokyo and Cali in the same day. Smart girl. Well, it is a dick move to hire someone to fire your employees for you because you can't do it yourself but come on, it is a bigger DICK MOVE to have someone fire someone via facechat (emoji sad face.) So he takes Pitch Perfect with him and makes her fire someone and guess what? She cries, quits, the end. Ok so there is more to it but it helps me set the mood for my rant.... hey and maybe some of you want to see the movie now. See George, you should pay me for your advertising and not drink Nespresso....
Anyway I joke when I rant because that's who I am. One of my best friends says I am a person who can be screaming at her one minute and the next I am over it and laughing. Well I love her, so if I am screaming at you I hope I love you because the outcome may be different just saying. (emoji creepy face.) I am who I am. I will tell you how I feel and you bet your ass if you make a comment and say something that is going to hurt said friend or imply she is slacking off or not doing something or any of my friends I am going to stand up and tell you exactly how I feel....and immediately apologize after.
Anyway I have been a member of the board for 2 years. We have made amazing strides this year with the club. It is more diverse and includes members now that may have been intimidated in the past and not felt welcome, it includes all ages. Every single member on that board has done multiple positions, worked hours for free, all because they care about the club.
This year the board took a controversial topic, which most of the members on the board including myself had NO OPINION ON - let me put that out there, and put it to a club vote. It was simple and fair. It was voted on by the club, the math determined the outcome, and it was done. In my whole time in this club, nothing has ever been brought back to the board in question of the board's actions. We were not only questioned, we were accused of wrong doing, called names, yelled at, made fun of. Every single action since has been brought into question. A simple "fun awards" idea for the banquet was brought into question because we might offend someone, whether someone should have voted on something- someone who has voted on EVERYTHING for the past few years and never had it questioned was brought into question. All the good that was provided from the board, all the extra time spent to better the main importance of the club, it was all forgotten. A Facebook post for the entire club to see was made and I tell you, if I was a newcomer I would have been like F THAT, I am not joining that.
Back to Pitch and George. Last night I attended my final board meeting. The new board members got to come for the next year. So a few of us Georges got to listen to Pitch Perfect basically tell us we were unorganized, asked us why we did what we did the year before, questioned our lack of timing and organizing and sharing with club members. Well Pitch, step on up and welcome to the board. Sit down and have everything you do, all the time you spent extra, hours of organizing volunteers, hours of coming up with a solution to include all abilities, hours of making sure everyone got their PR times done because all the equipment was set up and ready to go, hours of organizing so the trip to Indy could go smoothly, hours of making sure the accounts were balanced, members were entered in and their membership was paid. The board members perform many roles, many that you may have forgotten in your quick judgment and quicker tongue to make sure we all knew how you felt about one particular item we decided on, that we have been solely judged on since....
What I am saying is....it is good to have people who complain step up with a solution. Too many times people just complain but have no solution to the problem. Lots of people complained about our decision on this one topic, lots of people had a chance to be on the board this year. 3 people out of over 400 members stepped up to join. The one person who voiced would not even sit through one meeting to see how we did things, to see how it ran, to meet the other members who have spent their free time helping the club and to at the very least respect that. All this for a symbol....I know this symbol means a lot to people, but think of this...
When I became a runner and joined this club I remembered the people. Telling Cory how many great people I met and how joining was the best decision of my life, well, besides him. Half my wedding will be runners and I am proud of it. When I look back at my running years these are the things I will remember. I will remember when I crossed the finish line of my first half marathon and I cried in the arms of my parents and Cory. I will remember training for my first marathon and meeting my good friend Sarah, later forming a group of us that all hang out and do non running things. I will remember all the kind words my running friends said to help me through my injury and the new people I met coming back when I couldn't run with my old group. I will remember the pain I have seen some of my friends go through to accomplish their goals but the happiness and love when they meet their goals and there waiting at the finish line are the people, the PEOPLE they love.
So what is important to you? A trophy that will tarnish and dust on a shelf? A shirt that has some advertisement or race's symbol on it that will hang in your closest and be used to run a fun run in, a time that will either be beaten or not later in life? When I look back on every single thing I have accomplished as a runner I remember my friends, the ones I have made through this club I am writing about. I remember them and the reason I am still in this club. I will not remember a symbol, a trophy, a time. I will remember the feelings and the people that helped me feel that way.
I questioned staying in the club after this year. I will not let the hurt I felt as a board member change the way this club has changed my life and all the good it has brought. Instead I will step back and go back to doing what made me happy....running with my friends.
So there is that movie with Clooney and the girl from Pitch Perfect, the pretty one. She goes in with this AWESOME idea how to make the company he works for so much better, time and money saving blah blah. Up In The Air, yah I am gonna tell you the end so skip this paragraph if you want to watch it and whatever. So yah a fresh out of college grad pissing off George with her fresh know it all ideas. So George is like, screw that. Step into MY SHOES, do my job, and let's see how good your idea is after that. So they fire people. Major companies actually hire people like George to come out to their company and let their people go for them. FUN JOB! But he gets to fly all the time, hence the title, and she wants to ground him. Have him sit at a computer and fire them on facetime or whatever it is. Brilliant! Saves travel time, expenses, and George can fire someone in Tokyo and Cali in the same day. Smart girl. Well, it is a dick move to hire someone to fire your employees for you because you can't do it yourself but come on, it is a bigger DICK MOVE to have someone fire someone via facechat (emoji sad face.) So he takes Pitch Perfect with him and makes her fire someone and guess what? She cries, quits, the end. Ok so there is more to it but it helps me set the mood for my rant.... hey and maybe some of you want to see the movie now. See George, you should pay me for your advertising and not drink Nespresso....
Anyway I joke when I rant because that's who I am. One of my best friends says I am a person who can be screaming at her one minute and the next I am over it and laughing. Well I love her, so if I am screaming at you I hope I love you because the outcome may be different just saying. (emoji creepy face.) I am who I am. I will tell you how I feel and you bet your ass if you make a comment and say something that is going to hurt said friend or imply she is slacking off or not doing something or any of my friends I am going to stand up and tell you exactly how I feel....and immediately apologize after.
Anyway I have been a member of the board for 2 years. We have made amazing strides this year with the club. It is more diverse and includes members now that may have been intimidated in the past and not felt welcome, it includes all ages. Every single member on that board has done multiple positions, worked hours for free, all because they care about the club.
This year the board took a controversial topic, which most of the members on the board including myself had NO OPINION ON - let me put that out there, and put it to a club vote. It was simple and fair. It was voted on by the club, the math determined the outcome, and it was done. In my whole time in this club, nothing has ever been brought back to the board in question of the board's actions. We were not only questioned, we were accused of wrong doing, called names, yelled at, made fun of. Every single action since has been brought into question. A simple "fun awards" idea for the banquet was brought into question because we might offend someone, whether someone should have voted on something- someone who has voted on EVERYTHING for the past few years and never had it questioned was brought into question. All the good that was provided from the board, all the extra time spent to better the main importance of the club, it was all forgotten. A Facebook post for the entire club to see was made and I tell you, if I was a newcomer I would have been like F THAT, I am not joining that.
Back to Pitch and George. Last night I attended my final board meeting. The new board members got to come for the next year. So a few of us Georges got to listen to Pitch Perfect basically tell us we were unorganized, asked us why we did what we did the year before, questioned our lack of timing and organizing and sharing with club members. Well Pitch, step on up and welcome to the board. Sit down and have everything you do, all the time you spent extra, hours of organizing volunteers, hours of coming up with a solution to include all abilities, hours of making sure everyone got their PR times done because all the equipment was set up and ready to go, hours of organizing so the trip to Indy could go smoothly, hours of making sure the accounts were balanced, members were entered in and their membership was paid. The board members perform many roles, many that you may have forgotten in your quick judgment and quicker tongue to make sure we all knew how you felt about one particular item we decided on, that we have been solely judged on since....
What I am saying is....it is good to have people who complain step up with a solution. Too many times people just complain but have no solution to the problem. Lots of people complained about our decision on this one topic, lots of people had a chance to be on the board this year. 3 people out of over 400 members stepped up to join. The one person who voiced would not even sit through one meeting to see how we did things, to see how it ran, to meet the other members who have spent their free time helping the club and to at the very least respect that. All this for a symbol....I know this symbol means a lot to people, but think of this...
When I became a runner and joined this club I remembered the people. Telling Cory how many great people I met and how joining was the best decision of my life, well, besides him. Half my wedding will be runners and I am proud of it. When I look back at my running years these are the things I will remember. I will remember when I crossed the finish line of my first half marathon and I cried in the arms of my parents and Cory. I will remember training for my first marathon and meeting my good friend Sarah, later forming a group of us that all hang out and do non running things. I will remember all the kind words my running friends said to help me through my injury and the new people I met coming back when I couldn't run with my old group. I will remember the pain I have seen some of my friends go through to accomplish their goals but the happiness and love when they meet their goals and there waiting at the finish line are the people, the PEOPLE they love.
So what is important to you? A trophy that will tarnish and dust on a shelf? A shirt that has some advertisement or race's symbol on it that will hang in your closest and be used to run a fun run in, a time that will either be beaten or not later in life? When I look back on every single thing I have accomplished as a runner I remember my friends, the ones I have made through this club I am writing about. I remember them and the reason I am still in this club. I will not remember a symbol, a trophy, a time. I will remember the feelings and the people that helped me feel that way.
I questioned staying in the club after this year. I will not let the hurt I felt as a board member change the way this club has changed my life and all the good it has brought. Instead I will step back and go back to doing what made me happy....running with my friends.
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