It does humor me that I am writing this exactly one year after finishing my first half ironman. 6:54:45 was my time. I was starting the swim 13 minutes from now. I did not care about time, how I would finish, how fast I would go. All I cared was that I would finish. I guess things have changed a little for me this year.
This past weekend I did a 6 hour bike ride. For those of you that have done Howl, this is sort of a biker's Howl. You could do 6 or 12 hours. Let me say this right now, the thought of 12 hours on a bike to me is pure hell. Who would ever want to sit on a bike for 12 freaking hours. My butt hurts just thinking about it. My butt still hurts from the 6 hour. Anyway, you get a number and call it out when you pass through the loops. That is basically it! You follow the 25 mile course, don't cheat, and you pull up a cooler with your aid for when you need to refuel or rest. FUN!
So when the 6 hour group took off, I started and within a minute I swear I was a half mile behind everyone. I am not lying. My first loop of 25 miles was the fastest I have ever gone for 25. Smart! I mean, I only had 4.5 more hours of this! Great plan Niki. Needless to say the rest of the race was not so fun for me. I hurt....everywhere. I was a tad sick to my stomach from pushing it and after 50 the thought of 80 miles was just sad. I wanted to quit at 50 and I may have. It would have been a good days work seeing as it was my fastest 50 to date. But my goal was 80 and I went for it and got it. The last 5 miles were out of pure determination and I hated every freaking pedal of it. I may have even cussed going up a hill.
The thing is.....I was one of the lowest mileage riders that day and I busted my ass. I worked harder than I had in any race except the half ironman. I think I would have felt this was harder than the half if the day of the half would not have been so hot and I was hydrated and fueled properly.
So my point....which I always have when I rant. People flew by me on this bike course. A few made jokes about me latching on and I laughed and told them good job. When they were far enough away I called them asshats and wished they swallowed a fly or got a flat. Classy I know. I remember when I was at my best running and we would take off and I was a front of the pack runner in these smaller races the feeling I had knowing I was pretty good. Well now I know how the back people feel. One thing I want to say is, we all go the same distance and we all work just as hard to get there. As a matter of fact, I feel I worked harder when I was in the back.
There are talented people that work hard to do as well as they do and then there are talented people who do not put forth any effort and just do well. It pisses me off. I am not talented, but I am working my ass off to do the same distance and work as everyone else doing the race and if it takes me 2 hours longer than guess what that adds up to, I just did 2 hours more work than the person more talented than I am.
I have never had much come easy. Even in school I had to study and practiced to get good grades. I never picked up the trumpet and played like some jazz musician. But when I had a crush on the lead trumpet player in 8th grade and I wanted to impress him I practiced my ass off and I got the lead solo. So there. I worked for it. I have always worked hard to achieve my goals and in the end, I am proud when I get them! So much prouder than if I slacked off and just barely made it through.
So lately I have been comparing myself to people. I am a very competitive person and when people tell me stuff like you shouldn't compare, or don't worry about other people, well, it is hard for me. My hip has made me step back and the clock is ticking down and I am watching my friends finish their races in awesome times and I am starting to worry. I could make up a hundred excuses as to why I may not be as good but at the end of the race it all just comes down to I am not as good or I am not as talented. I just need to remember I pushed through. I stood there Saturday after I finished my longest distance race ever looking around for someone to tell it to, someone to share it with. I knew no one. And how do you brag to someone who just did 20, 50, 100 more miles than you did. My friends were all out at the beer festival, my parents were at a class reunion, Cory did not pick up his phone, and the only people I kind of knew there had other people they knew better to celebrate with. I stood there and wanted to break down but I didn't. I waited till later. I was an emotional wreck that I had just done that and couldn't even bask in it. I did share with a few friends over text and they were proud of me, but I am use to having a group and it wasn't the same.
Anyway next time I see that saying, "A 6 minute mile is still the same distance as a 12 minute mile", I will see it differently. I mean, I think we can all say that a 3 hour marathoner is great, but it takes determination to stay out there for 6 hours and finish and you still went the same distance. It is still the same race. Even a person running a 5k for the first time is still fighting the same battle as a seasoned runner running a new longer distance.
So when the fast guys passed me this weekend and I wished the flat I didn't actually hope to see one of them on the road up ahead later with a flat, but I did. I passed by and asked him if he needed help and you know what he did, he laughed at me! LAUGHED! Well buddy I may be slow but guess what, my stubborn ass can change a tire! I know that because even with blood running down both my hands I changed one and wouldn't let Cory help. So next time you judge a slower athlete, well next time just don't. They are working just as hard as you and maybe even harder.
