Yep, my blog title...saw that sign during the marathon, well without the NOT. Pretty clever plus it total works for me because my last blog title was a TSwift song! I don't even like her. Which sets the mood right for this blog because I don't really like marathons either!
I know a marathon regardless of time is an accomplishment. When I finished my first half marathon I cried. I was so proud of myself and so happy that I could do something so amazingly difficult. I did not care about time, awards, whatever. I cared that I ran 13.1 miles (I didn't even realize till I got to 13 that the .1 was a half marathon distance and I cussed) and finished. So when people tell you that it is great and an amazing accomplishment just to finish a marathon, I get it. I remember 2 years ago crutching around Indy with a broken hip just wishing I could walk again let alone run. I told myself when I could run again I wouldn't care about time, because running slow was better than not running at all. So why am I so upset....
Well, I think a part of anyone would be upset after spending months training for a goal and falling short. I just kept thinking during the race, "I am going to have to do this all over again. FUCK." So yah, I am happy I finished. I pushed myself way past the point of discomfort to finish and I am damn proud of that and the fact that for the past two days my body has been retaliating against me for doing it. I am just heartbroken that I didn't get my goal.
This all started before the race, months before. I tried a new plan. I started this plan less than a week after finishing my first Half Ironman. MISTAKE!! I needed to take more time. My body may have been recovered but my mind wasn't. What I learned over the next few months is, even if your body is ready to go, your mind is in control. This plan consisted of 3 days of running and 2 days of cross training a week. The runs are all hard. One day was a long run, one day was speed work, and one day was a tempo. There were no easy runs, those are your cross training days. I chose to swim on them, sometimes bike. This plan had 6 - 20 mile runs. S I X!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK. There will be swearing in this blog and a lot of it so if you are offended, run a crappy marathon and try not to swear. Anyway. I completed 4 of those 20 milers. The first one was successful. I ran and my buddy Valeria Rohde biked with me and I made it to 18 miles and had to walk a little but this was my first 20 post hip stress fracture. My next attempt was a failure so it ended up being 14 miles of pure agony. The 2nd successfully 20 I ran with Michele Marcus, my bestie. She is a phenomenal distance runner and I made it 19 miles this time and walked a little of the last mile. I was very happy because it was at Mahomet, so a little hilly and we went a little fast. My next attempt was another failure. My third 20 I ran again with Valeria and it was the best. I ran on pace for the first 10 and got slightly faster through the last 10 to finish with an incredible last mile. That should have been my race day. After this run I felt like I had done the marathon. My last 20 was the worst. I cried to my friend Marc Mills and pushed through it but I hated it. I was so unhappy. My negative attitude was in place from that moment on. I found that I was only enjoying shorter faster runs and the thought of anything over 10 miles was torture. I should have dropped to the half at this time. I should have seen what was to come. But....man....I ran all those miles, there was no way in HELL I wasn't going for it.
Someone told me, maybe Valeria, maybe Letitia Moffitt. We will never be good enough to make money running, so if you aren't enjoying it, you should not be doing it. So true.
The week before the marathon I was a wreck. I knew it was bad. Anyone around me could have told you that it was bad. I didn't feel well, I had started a new medication that wasn't sitting well with me. Most of all, I was just dreading the race.
Race day comes and I feel a little hopeful. Except I am dealing with one of the biggest running issues pre race. Haha, even coffee wouldn't do the trick for this one folks. So yah, I mean, not what you want on your mind when you know you are about to run 26.2, but hey, wasn't gonna happen so you have to deal. I wanted to break 4 hours so I had planned on 8:50 pace. This would give me a good 10 minutes if anything went wrong. ..
Here is my mind during the race - enjoy!
I cannot believe it is race day and I am at the starting line. We wait. We glance around, lots of people, lots of clothing being removed and thrown, lots of watches being checked. The countdown, the gun, we are off....we are walking...to the start line....very slowly. Aldo and I laugh. But we reach it, we say good luck, and we go.....
That first mile was a little fast, but that's normal. On NO, I lost satellite. What the hell that mile was too slow. Yikes those 5 miles were too fast Niki. Mile 7, I will have to stop to remove a band aid. I put it on a blister but now it is causing another one. I am stopping at the next aid station at mile 8 to remove it quickly. I am off again. Mile 9 goes ok, mile 10, why are my legs feeling heavy? This can't be happening this soon. Mile 11, heavy. Mile 12 heavier. Mile 13 I have to walk and try to stretch. Mile 15, SHIT I have stopped 3 times and I am hurting. I heard someone. Who is that? Why is he yelling at me? I hear from behind me, "Go. No go. Don't walk. Go." I feel a hand touch me and I fly around to punch someone and oh, it's Aldo. I try to catch up and run with him and he is doing great, I can tell he is having a great race. I can't keep up. He tells me I will catch him later. I hope I don't. I hope he has a good race.
I contemplate at the next aid station giving up. I know people are watching me from home, Tonya, Cory, and my parents. I know they are wondering what has happened. I am just so tired and stiff, sore, tight. I see mile 18, somewhere around here is a park. This part of the course is different. It is pretty and unique, not so much concrete and traffic. It is more like what I am use to running in. I see a bright tree. I laugh, it is a tree made out of kiddie pools and sleds. It gives me some renewed energy. I decide I will finish. I do not know what it was about this park or that tree but I know I will finish. All I have to do is run a mile, then I get to walk. Run each mile as it is a single mile. Amber Anderson - anyone can run a mile. Repeat it. Get through.
Mile 19. I almost cry. I can walk!! I walk a bit and start up. Mile 20, I am on a downhill I will go with it and actually go almost an extra half mile. I run through 21. 5 more miles! I can do this. OMG NO, Coffee don't start to work now. NO NO NO SHIT. Mile 22 I see Jodi!! I am so happy to see Jodi! She is suffering but she seems so strong. She is suffering worse than me and is pushing. I can do this.
I hit mile 23, almost a 5k left. I can do this. I remember the last 2 miles are down hill. I can make it. Mile 24 my stomach is hurting (F U COFFEE) and my calves are so tight. I can't stop, if I stop anymore I won't be able to make it. Mile 25, I want to cry. One mile. Repeat Amber Anderson. I can do it. I need to walk. Ouch my calves. Someone yells at me to go, you are almost there. I see the 26 mile marker ahead. It is so far. How far is it. it is .05 mile that can't be right it is so far ahead. I hear my name. Someone is yelling at me. Oh it is Nicholas and Michele. My bestie sees me!! She is cheering me in. I love her so much yah! I can do this. I turn the corner and see the finish line. It is so far. I will never make it. I won't walk in front of all these people. I won't make it. I WILL MAKE IT. I did make it. I am done. Where is the chocolate milk Ryan told me about?
I cried. I did not cry after my first marathon, my second marathon, or the half Ironman. I balled. I used everything I had to get to the finish and I made it. Thank you everyone who helped me along the way.
Going back to the hotel was a haze. I was crying. I was lost. I remember reaching the hotel and thinking there was no way I would make it up the stairs. I started crying so hard and these guys in this Michelob Ultra tent just stared at me and laughed. Jokes on them and their nasty beer. I did make it to the hotel, found Valeria, we made it to our hotel room which was a marathon in itself. And life goes on....
I have already got plans of the next one...in a long time :) But yah, there will be another race, You live, you learn. But, I will be heartbroken for a bit. It was my own doing. I know that now and I will change things for next time.
Next time you read this saying- The marathon is 70% running and 30% mental or whatever it is, I beg to differ. Even on your best day, in the best weather, with everything in your favor, if you do not come with the right mindset and you are not thinking positive, you will not win your race.
Thank you for reading my journey again....till next time! Date: 4/16/16 Distance: Forever Event: Love
